I feel strongly that this ties in closely to my weight loss. First, I think the fact that I was successful in losing weight, which I never thought was possible, helped me to realize that I can accomplish anything. Second, and maybe more importantly, I realized that I have had self-limiting beliefs...settling on very good.
I have done things in the past 3 years that I never ever ever thought possible...mainly in the area of fitness. What I came to realize is that there really aren't things that I can't do. Beyond that, I think there are things that I didn't realize I could do so well. It just takes effort and desire.
In my professional life, I've admired others for various things. As I stated before, I have been relatively successful, but I have come to realize that I am so much more than that. I have finally stopped thinking that I am best behind the scenes. Currently, I write proposals and prepare this and that for others to do the presenting basically. It's my job to know the details and their job to present them. Of course, they get paid more too. There are times when I'm the presenter, and I've realized that I absolutely love it - and I thrive when I'm doing this. I always thought that I hated that kind of thing, but now I know that it's just about confidence - and I also know that I can do it just as well as some of the others, if not better.
I've rarely applied for a position that I didn't get, and I've held a lot of positions. However, doesn't that just mean that I've never risked anything? It's like I've always made sure that I was the big fish in the little pond. Safe.
So...I'm not anywhere near the point of being done with school yet - I still have about 2 years left, but I know that if I just tackle one semester at a time, it will happen soon enough. It's a terrible job market out there right now anyways - a good time to focus on the education. I absolutely can't wait to get done though. I think it's what's been holding me back mentally from going for the big stuff. Not only will I know more, but I will also have that feeling of accomplishment.
Of course, the real problem is that I can't apply myself to everything all the time and succeed at all of them. I took 3 courses in the fall (along with full-time job and 4 kids), and I got all A's. I was able to workout some and not completely lose my sanity. I took 4 courses in Winter, and I chose to not get all A's, since the grades won't transfer to my 4-year college anyways. I went to the gym only a few times, gave up my entire social and family life, and I lost some of my sanity. This was too much, but at least it's almost done.
Another positive thing is that I've learned about my limitations. Like I said before, I have never felt that I've truly tested out the limits of what I can accomplish in life...always settling.
I didn't mean to say all that, and I probably should have used some of that energy to write my research paper that's due tomorrow. I really just wanted to say that I'll be done with this semester on Friday, and after that, it's back on. My next class does not begin until September, so I am going to have over 4 months to get everything back in order. Since I've started school, my weight has been fairly consistently in the low 140's, which is definitely outside of my comfortable range. Beyond that, I've lost my tone, of course. I'm totally determined to get back in shape, and now I will have the strength, energy, and time to devote to it. I honestly can't wait. I've already started reducing my caloric intake, but I have much room for improvement in that area as well.
A constant work in progress...
