Some Inspiration

Joining the ranks of frustration

For the past 12 months I've been losing weight somewhat steadily...almost 60 pounds. It really picked up in November when I stopped going to the gym for a while. This month (April), I decided to go back to tone up what is left of me. I know that I said that I was not going to expect to lose any weight for awhile, but I have seriously not lost any weight. I have been going to the gym 4 - 5 times a week over the past month and not one ounce gone. There were days where the weight dipped, but this week it's back up to what it was when I started this month. I was blaming TOM for awhile, but I don't think so anymore. My eating has been controlled enough - minus the binge on Wednesday. Even then, I jumped right back on track after that.

Am I doing something wrong here? Should I be eating differently? Is this to be expected? I think that the elliptical isn't purely cardio, so maybe I'm gaining muscle. Does muscle really weight that much more than fat? I started the personal training this week. Could I have already gained muscle from this? I will obviously wait it out, but does anyone have any tips for me? I almost feel that I should have just waited to get to my goal weight before hitting the gym again.

UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

That being said...I'm liking how my legs are toning up. I can see differences. I would just like to see a smaller waist. 30 inches is better than I had hoped for when starting this journey, but it is certainly no longer acceptable.

I'm taking today and tomorrow off from the gym. Will return Monday.

Nothing Really

Just wanted to say that I ate ok today. just ok. I also went to the gym and used the elliptical for 60 minutes. It was harder tonight...maybe because of the intense personal training sessions already this week. I think that my iPod selections weren't the best for a great workout either. I will be creating a playlist tomorrow. Check out www.jogtunes.com. I hope to make it to the gym at least two more times this weekend/Monday. One good thing is that I was aching to workout today. Glad I did.

One small piece of good news: I've been wearing my wedding band for the past week straight. It's a little snug, and I need lotion to take it off usually...but it's on. Next stop: engagement ring on with the wedding band.

Back on Track

Ok, so I had a bad day. If I've learned anything over the past year, it's that these days will happen. This is a part of life and that's fine. The great part is that you get to go to bed and wake up to a whole new day.

I did learn something about my binge yesterday. It was that I did not enjoy it one bit. I will admit that in the past I've enjoyed this behavior to some extent. I'm still not quite sure why it happened, although I think it had to do with my intense workout the day before. Either my body was craving more calories or my mind was trying to justify a cheat day.

Today was much better. I did wake up and eat the last of the Fiber One bars, but then I had my usual lean cuisine for lunch. When I got home, I was dying for a salad...another great turn of events. I have never in my life craved salads, but I think I need them now. I know I've mentioned this several times now, and I barely believe it myself. I felt whole after my salad. I have also drank almost a gallon of water today...gotta help all that fiber along :)

I went to my training session at the gym tonight. I was very worried, because I have been incredibly sore yesterday and today. April, the trainer, told me that I'd feel better within 5 minutes, and she was absolutely right. She also told me that I'd feel even worse tomorrow, but I think it's a good worse. I noticed some huge changes in muscle definition on my thighs today. I think it looks a bit bulky, but that should change as some of the fat melts away. I think I did better today than I did on Tuesday. The abs exercises were easier tonight, despite the soreness. I can only imagine how good next Tuesday's workout will be. I plan on using the elliptical twice over the weekend too.

Another cool thing...I was talking to one of the girls in my training group tonight. I told her about the FAT Coalition and sent her a link to my blog. I really wish I'd had you guys last year when I was just starting out. Anyways, I hope that she finds it encouraging and joins us maybe. If nothing else, maybe we can workout together on our off days.

That's it for tonight. Love ya guys...

Blech. I feel like purging.

I woke up this morning and knew right away that I was going to need more calories. I did not however know what I was about to do to myself this stupid day. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. fine. then a breakfast bar when i was leaving for work. ok. no big deal. Then I went to lunch with a group from work and decided to just go with something unhealthy. It's weird. My body wanted salad, but I forced it to go with the chicken tenders and fries? Why would I do that to myself? The chicken tenders were bland and the fries were burnt (not in a good way - more like the fryers hadn't been changed in about a month). Even though everything tasted awful, I still forced myself to finish everything - even though I rarely finish everything anymore.

After work, I ate two Fiber One bars (they really are awesome if you've never tried them 140 calories 4 g fat). I also ate some Doritos.

Now I'm mad at myself. What happened to the lean cuisine for lunch and the salad for dinner.

I'm done binging now. I might still have the salad - skipping the extra calories that I like to put on there usually. I also bought a 64 oz water bottle/jug, and I plan on finishing that tonight. No, I will not weigh myself tomorrow morning. It will have to wait until probably Saturday now. Grrrrr...

Oh, I'm watching the PBS Fat documentary now. I agree with whoever here said that at least the first half is annoying. Seems like some of these people don't want to take responsibility for how they got fat. I'll save my final judgements for after I watch the whole thing.

New long term goal

I woke up this morning and realized that my long term goal is one month away, so I guess that it's now become my short term goal. 140 by demf (memorial day weekend). This is completely doable, but it cannot be my final resting place. I was thinking that my new long term goal should be my birthday. October 9th. With the finish line in sight, I think that I can make it by then. 5 months to lose 20 pounds. I think that should put me into a size 6. This could very well be my final goal. Of course, who knows if that will be enough by then. I'm only 5'1" (rounding up a bit), so that will not be too skinny. In fact, 95 is still within my normal weight range, but I don't think I would look very good at this weight. Ewww...

So, my birthday it is. I'll have to see where I'm at when demf hits to develop realistic short term goals in between now and my bday. Plus, I'll know more about how my body reacts to all the working out. It may stall as I gain muscle or it may accelerate once my metabolism skyrockets due to all the new muscle mass. Hard to say right now.

October 9th
Goal Weight: 120 lbs

Ouch!

So today was my first personal training session. I rather enjoyed it, but I am already sore. I don't know if I'm going to even be able to to walk tomorrow. Every exercise was simple yet complete. I haven't felt this worked out in a long time.

I go back on Thursday for more punishment, and then I will add two days of cardio - probably Saturday and then Sunday or Monday. I really don't think I'll be able to go tomorrow night. Plus, I've been to the gym for the past three days. My body will appreciate the break tomorrow.

Today I ate a SB breakfast bar and got a salad w/chicken (and ranch) at Hard Rock for lunch. For dinner, I ate a serving or so of cottage cheese & a lean cuisine.

I weighed myself last night and was at about a low 141. Today after work, I was at 140 right on the dot. I think that I'm seeing a drop this week - probably from eating a little more lately - not to mention the exercise :)

Also, I drank a ton of water yesterday, which I did not do today :(

Oh, on another note... When I was in the Team Weight Loss class last year....we had to walk back to the nutrition room once a week. I used to hate this more than anything. First, we had to walk through the weight area (where all the hot guys are). Also, all the walls are mirrors of course, and I used to think of this as the wall of shame. I absolutely hated this (and also referred to it as the green mile). I always felt like so ashamed of what I'd become and prayed that nobody would look up from their workouts.

The personal training is all done over in this same area, and I was pleasantly surprised to see my reflection in the mirrors tonight. I am not blown away by my body or anything, but I am certainly no longer afraid to be seen. I actually thought I was ok. Acceptable even...which is FINE by me...for now.

I am not expecting to lose a lot of weight through the personal training, but it'll be nice if I can at least get solidly below 140. I was running a little bit late tonight, so I didn't have time to get measurements before my workout. I'll get them Thursday. It will be very exciting to compare them to what they were last July (when I rejoined Lifetime).

One last note...one of my coworkers/friends just got back from her maternity leave today, and she hadn't seen me since she left. She was shocked at how much I had lost in the past 12 weeks...she even said I was "like, ridiculously skinny". HA! Ok, I know I'm not ridiculously skinny, but I know that I'm about 15 - 20 lbs lighter than the last time she saw me and I was wearing my second favorite suit (which I think is my skinny one). I bought it after I had Audrey and it didn't fit then, but I really thought that I'd lose the baby weight in no time. That never happened - until now. I was able to finally start wearing it a couple of months ago, and I am seeing that it is really looking great after a few weeks on the elliptical.

We also had our quarterly offsite all-hands meeting today - all of the Michigan commercial banking groups attend. I know most of the people and got a lot of remarks on how I was looking. Very cool.

Ok, I'm done. blah blah blah...i'm so hot.... :) It was just one of those days I guess...

General daily info

I don't know...today seemed good, but in retrospect, I think I consumed way too many calories. SB breakfast bar, lean cuisine chicken alredo, coffee, hb egg, cottage cheese, THEN... for dinner... salad (w/egg, cucumbers, salad topping, asiago pepper dressing) & very small bowl of ice cream w/strawberries on top. I just know that all those salad ingredients add up quickly, but it really was so good.

I was limited on time, but I still went to the gym. Got in 35 minutes on the elliptical & about 10 minutes of stretching. Tomorrow I start with the personal trainer. I'll have to make sure to get measurements beforehand to track my progress over the next 6 weeks.

That's all.

Today - random items

It's still beautiful out.

I went to the gym and did 65 minutes on the elliptical, and I'm taking special care to stretch before and after now. I don't want another sore calf muscle or anything else.

After the gym, I stopped by the beauty supply and picked up some skin and hair care. I am blown away at what a salt scrub can do. I feel quite good right now with my baby soft skin. Also picked up a deep conditioner for my hair...total makeover day I think. I was going to go get a manicure and pedicure, but my time is limited.

Vince is taking care of stuff outside, and I am going to run to the store to pick up some food in a few. Today is a grilling out kind of day. I so can't wait. I'm thinking steak.

Today is just so nice. aaahhhhhhh....

Snacking

I was just thinking about the psychology of snacking when I realized what has worked best for me. To my surprise, I have really kept snacking to a minimum over the past year, and I really don't feel that I've struggled with it. What I've done is gotten away from the mindset of getting more for my money. Go ahead and buy the individual snack size. Get an ice cream cone instead of the half gallon. Sure it's about the same price monetarily, but the price you pay on the waistline just isn't worth it. If there is more there, I will inevitably eat it...even though I'm satisfied with one portion usually. Even one step further here...I think I've even eaten a small bag of chips and then another one. This is still way better than having the economy sized bag of chips there and available. My chocolate cravings can now usually be satisfied with a few Hershey's kisses.

More than anything, I believe that portion control and moderation is the most reasonable way to a healthy weight. Sure, other radical plans can help lose the weight, but only a small percentage of people can sustain that lifestyle indefinitely.

On another note... Today is such a beautiful day. Supposed to be 80 here in MI.

I vow to get outside more this summer.

OH, and the Pistons WON last night...although they scared me a bit in the last few minutes.

Not all days can be good...

I just got back from TGIFriday's where I did not eat what I should have. I was with my family and reverted back to the social eating mindset. Ugh... I had a couple pieces of fried mac & chz. Luckily, I did not love, so I don't think I have to worry about future cravings. Then I got a salad with ranch. Better - I think I enjoyed this the most, which makes me happy. Then I got steak fajitas. I had 1 1/2. Overall, it could have been a lot worse. I'm just disappointed about my emotions before doing it. Why do I feel that food is such an integral part of having a great time around people that I don't see often. Will this ever go away? Food is good and it's good to enjoy it, but why do I feel compelled to eat bad things around certain people.

I also have a sore calf muscle, so I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday, although I danced for a couple of hours last night. It's feeling much better today, so I am going to try to go to the gym tonight - and probably tomorrow.

On a more positive note, I will be going with the personal training at the gym vs the group training. I think that will focus me for 6 solid weeks. I don't expect to lose much weight - if any, but I do expect to see big changes in my tone. I can't wait!

p.s. SO excited that it's piston playoff time again...!!!

Goodbye, Favorite Suit

I am afraid I must say goodbye to my favorite suit today. I bought it in January, and last week I noticed how loose it had become, so i threw it in the wash thinking that it was just stretched out. I got it out today and put it on and couldn't believe how low the pants were hanging. I am literally walking on about an inch of the hem, even though I'm wearing 3 inch heels. So, I know for a fact that I must have lost probably an inch or so in my hips over the past 9 days.

The other option is to have this suit tailored. Like that will EVER happen. So, I guess it's going to have to join the other batch of suits that I can no longer wear. Don't get me wrong. This feels great, but I really do love this suit and will surely miss it.

A possible turning point?

A couple of things to talk about tonight.

First, when I got to the gym tonight, the trainer that performed my initial assessment in July 06 was there. I've seen her about, but she's not said anything to me since I've been back the last couple of weeks. Well, tonight she recognized me and said that didn't recognize me at first (because of the weight difference). I was glad that she said something, because I was able to thank her for being a very big part of my success. If any of you have ever been to Lifetime Fitness, I think you'll understand how intimidating it can be. Even now...every day that I feel much better about myself, I get to the gym and realize how far I still need to go to get to the point where I really want to be. I would say that 75% of the girls there are athletes or models. When I went there last year, April was so cool and really made me feel like she was interested in helping me - even if it wasn't about selling me anything. We laughed a lot that day and she treated me like a real person. I was walking by her later on tonight, and I heard her telling someone about me. She was saying that it almost made her cry. Awwwww... Once again, I am so grateful to the people in my life that have helped me to get this far. I never in my life thought it could ever happen to me. I thought I was done for. Ok, so it didn't happen to me. I made it happen.

April mentioned that she has 3 girls that she's training in a small group right now. If I join them, then we will each pay $50 per 1 hr session. I am considering this. DEMF is 5 weeks away now and 12 sessions would last 6 weeks. The other option is to wait until the first week of May to sign up for a 12 week class for Team Fitness. They would both be about the same price - except the Team Fitness would last twice as long. Does anyone have any thoughts on which way might be better. Does it really make that much of a difference to have 4 or 12 people in a group. I'd be willing to do the shorter class if I could see great results by DEMF. Of course the other option is to continue with what I'm already doing....mostly cardio with resistance for the bottom half.

On another note, I was on the elliptical for 65 minutes again tonight. I took yesterday off, and I noticed a dramatic difference in my leg strength since the last time I went to the gym. This allowed me to push so much harder tonight - changing up the resistance. So far, I haven't gone over level 12. Not to say I couldn't, but I felt that I could still move at a nice speed at level 12. On top of all that, I actually enjoyed working out today. I was a little disappointed when it went to cooldown. Well, not that disappointed. It's just nice to feel like you're really digging in...if that makes sense. I was sweatin and lovin it. The machine said that I burned 800 calories. I realize that those machines aren't super accurate, but doesn't this sound completely far-fetched. Any thoughts on using the calorie counters? I am also noticing that my butt is rounder already. Ok, I am a little obsessed with it actually :)

Food for today: breakfast bar, oatmeal (I was starving when I got to work), super busy today and didn't have time for lunch, so I ate a healthy choice pizza when I got home from work, cottage cheese right before I left for the gym, and then more cottage cheese when I got home. I'm a little hungry right now...think I'll grab a piece of celery and put a little pb on it. mmm...

Ooooh... just remembered something exciting. I found my heart rate monitor. I spent $100 on it last year and put it in a safe spot so that I would be able to find it when I went back to the gym. Of course, I had no clue where that spot was anymore, but after a couple of months of searching...accidental SUCCESS!

I'm so tired...good night!

Good day

It seems that I'm only having good days lately. I hope that's not too annoying :)

Went to the gym and used the treadmill for about 40 minutes. I was so excited to see that I was going 4.5 mph for about 15 minutes straight (sometimes as high as 5.0). Then I started adjusting the incline and changing up my speed for about 10 minutes. I am definitely seeing huge improvements in my endurance. I felt like I could have gone on at 4.5 indefinitely. I am going to try to gradually increase the amount of time I can stay at 5.0. I am seriously considering looking into a half-marathon or something. A goal.

Then I went to the elliptical for about 15 minutes.

Food today:
South Beach breakfast bar
South Beach pork with green beans and pecans
South Beach pizza

I swear it was unintentional to eat only South Beach stuff. I was just being lazy, but I guess it works.

I also had a triple venti non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte.

Is that all? I still feel very full. interesting...

I don't expect to lose any weight this week. This is usually the week of the month that I feel like my pants are suddenly about 4 sizes too small, and I've finally learned to accept that pattern and to try to not get too freaked out...and start eating like mad out of frustration.

That's all.

Just a small observation

I was hungry when I went grocery shopping today, and I was experiencing cravings of course; however, this time I was actually craving things that are healthy: salad ingredients, cottage cheese, seafood, etc...

Who is this girl?

Ya know when ya just know...???

I woke up this morning and just felt it. My thighs are thinning and firming, my waistline seemed to have shrunk a bit, and the pooch was almost non-existent. I weighed myself and I was at 140, so I've pretty much lost 7 pounds in April already. Even better than that is the tone that I'm beginning to see.

I feel very encouraged to continue going to the gym like I have been for almost two weeks now. The best part is that I've been out of pills for a week now, yet I've still managed to lose about 3 pounds without them.

Not going to exercise today, since I went the gym yesterday and danced for about 4 hours last night. I think that my body deserves a break today. I will go tomorrow evening though.

Happy Anniversary to ME!

Today marks the one year anniversary of the new healthier me.

I know I've mentioned this several times, but I will never ever forget the day that my sister offered me the simplest advice that revolutionized my life. I'd heard it all before, but for some reason, it really hit home that day:

Small Changes and Better Choices. That's it. So simple, yet oh so difficult when you've tried it all before and you know that you have so far to go and you want immediate results.

My sister and I have both gone on to lose around 60 pounds over this past year. I am forever indebted to Jill for her words and for the example that she has set for me.

I pray that I will never forget.

Charge to 139

Morning weigh-in: low 142 - high 141. Lowest since last baby.

Saturday morning workout: 65 minutes on elliptical. Average HR 175.

Saturday evening events: dance dance dance

So, I've done almost an entire week on the elliptical. Today I tried to mix it up a bit by going into zone 4 more than I usually do - and also changing up the resistance more. I love working out to INXS. I don't know if it's because it's great workout music or if I just love them so much and really feel it - helps me to get moving.

Breakfast: South Beach breakfast bar - have you tried them? i love em.
Snack: toast with pb

I am going to go with the eat-to-lose plan today. I feel that's what my body needs right now, so that it doesn't resent me for all the workouts.

I really feel that I'll go under 140 by next week. I can't wait to get there! Could I actually get to 135 by demf?

The Scale

I felt thinner today, so I decided to take a peek at the scale after work. 142, my friends! I'm hoping that will stick around tomorrow morning - or go below. Either way, it's a new low I think. Elliptical is paying off.

Btw...I love the Lean Cuisine spa cuisine classics- especially the Chicken in Peanut Sauce. mmm hmmm.... I swear I almost licked the container to make sure I didn't miss any of the sauce. They only use whole grain pasta or rice. I will be stocking up on these next trip to the grocery store for sure.

http://www.leancuisine.com/Products/Search.aspx?SubBrandID=397&Keywords=spa+cuisine

Elliptical

Tonight I tried a different elliptical machine. I liked it a lot better than the other one I had been using, and I felt that I got a very nice workout in. 60 minutes and I was using my towel the whole time. Plus, I was able to adjust the incline on this one to work on specific muscles. I also think that my AT is more like 180 now - I noticed I was entering my anaerobic zone at about 183.

60 minutes on the elliptical. Average HR 176. Great workout.

No working out tomorrow. I don't think I'll work out on Saturday, but I will for sure be out dancing for a few hours. I will then go to the gym on Sunday.

And again...

So I went to the gym again tonight. I was actually already planning on it when I got home and realized I didn't have any kids tonight. Evidently, they are spending the night at grandma's house. This made my decision even easier. I was a little deterred when I got to the gym and realized that I'd forgotten my id. I probably could have asked if they'd still let me in, but it's only a mile or so from my house, so I just went home to get it.

55 minutes on the elliptical. I'm just worried that I'm not pushing myself hard enough on there. Does anyone have any elliptical experience? My heart rate was 174ish the whole time. My AT is supposedly 175. I haven't had this rechecked, but I'd still think that 174 would be a good HR to be at?

My eating was not as pristine as I'd have liked today: South Beach breakfast bar, lean cuisine (thai chicken w/whole wheat noodles), got bored at work so I ate about 5 Hershey's kisses, then I came home and ate some cereal. I think I'm about to go eat some broccoli now.

I guess it wasn't so bad, but I was hoping for less carbs today. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning, but I'm scared that I won't see results and I'll get discouraged. I have a feeling that working out is going to make my weight loss stall or reverse for a bit. I am wondering if I should just concentrate on the way my clothes feel instead of looking at the numbers. It's healthier to workout anyways, right?

I'm proud to say that this was my 5th workout since last Wednesday. whoa. Could that actually be right? brb. Yes, it was the 5th one. demf, here i come!

Still going...

I can't believe that I actually worked out again today. Ok, I was debating not doing it, but then I read Beck's comment on Sunday's blog asking if I was still working out and felt guilty for even contemplating not going through with it.

I told the kids to get their shoes and socks on and off we headed to the gym. It really is much better there. Let's just call it my little oasis away from the chaos of a busy house. What could be easier. Drop the kids off at the child center and have 1 - 2 hours all to myself? Some would think I was crazy for not taking advantage of this daily! (I don't know if I've mentioned before that I have four kids 4 - 9 yrs old.)

I ran into my friend/coworker, Katie, at the gym, and we ended up working out together. That was way better than working out with all by myself. I ventured over to the stair climber and the the elliptical. I usually stick to the treadmill, but I am so glad I tried out these other things. I think I like them both better than the treadmill. Plus, I think these will help me tone more for summer.

Katie is in incredible shape and I would give anything to have her tone. She's been working out since January 2006. She was training for a marathon last year but got injured a couple of weeks prior to the event and couldn't participate :(
I really want a runner's body - guess I gotta run to get that? Well, I think I'll add her to my list of inspirations.

So, today...20 minutes on the stairclimber and 30 minutes on the elliptical. Then stretching. I feel great. I am not going to weigh myself for a couple of days. I've been a little slack in my eating, but I don't think I've gained anything. I think I'm going to focus on inches and tone vs pounds right now. The pounds will come off with time.

Goals for tomorrow: Lots of water, low carbs, lots of fruits and veges.

3rd workout this week

I knew yesterday was going to be rough when I woke up and realized that I'd been dreaming of pizza. Up until then, I'd stayed on course for the entire week. I still think I did pretty well overall. I ended up eating 4 pieces altogether, but I didn't eat anything else at all for the whole day. Probably should have eaten some veges or something, but no. I did say no thanks to my husband when he went out for ice cream with the kids.

This morning I woke up and went directly to the gym. I was just going to treadmill it for 30 minutes, but I ended up staying on there for 55 minutes. Not bad at all. Could I actually be getting back on track? Hope so.

I ended up getting a very berry blast smoothie from the cafe at the gym. That was breakfast. For lunch/dinner, I had a sirloin burger (no bun), a serving of mashed potatoes, and a broccoli/cauliflower mix. I feel good. Low-fat brownies just came out of the oven, and I will have one later.

I've decided that it's more realistic for me to aim to exercise every other day for now. Writing about it is certainly helping to stay focused on this goal.

Still at 143... which is just fine with me for now. Time to coast for a few days. I am also still doing well with water intake.

One last thing...I bought a few VERY cute summer tops on Saturday. I can't wait for the snow to clear, so that I can actually wear them.

Before and After Pics

Before pic from January 2006. After pic from March 2007.

It's Official (Still at 143!)

I've been so encouraged this week. Just from reading other great stories from people on here, I had decided to restart the physical part of my weight loss plan this week. I know I already talked about this, but I'm excited to be actually executing it. I got up this morning and met some friends for brunch. I ate 2 poached eggs and 2 pieces of bacon - not as low calorie as my usual breakfast bar, but gotta keep zig-zagging anyways, right? I was glad to see that I was quite full even though I still had another egg, 2 more pieces of bacon, hash browns, and 2 pieces of toast sitting there. I had no idea they were going to bring me that much food. Next time I'll order a la carte.

I was out and about, so I stopped at McDonald's - ick, I know. I just ate a snack wrap - one of the bad ones. Oh well... I got home and jumped on the treadmill for 40 minutes, so I actually feel quite good right now. Plus, I'm going out tonight. I wonder how many calories are burned by dancing for about 4 hours. It's gotta be a pretty decent number.

I can't imagine I'll eat much more today. I'll probably eat some veges and fruit - and maybe the other egg that I didn't finish for breakfast.

That's it. I took my last pill today, so I gotta keep with the exercise now. I can't believe how these last 4 pounds seemed to all come right off my stomach and abdomen area. Finally. There is hope after all.

I put on a brand new pair of sz 10 jeans today, and they were already slipping a bit after about 1 hour. Maybe I'll be in 8's before I know it. I should just go and buy one pair to monitor my progress.

Ok. Hope everyone else is doing well.

It's working...

Ok, today I did not exercise, but I stuck to my other goals. I had my usual breakfast bar in the morning with espresso. For lunch, I ate a lean cuisine - some kind of chicken with veges and pasta. I only finished half the pasta, but I ate all the veges. For dinner, I made this packet of seasoned veges - 120 calories. I heated up some frozen shrimp and mixed it in. It wasn't what I was craving really, but it was actually ok. So about 200 calories altogether for dinner.

I consider today a success. Oh, hello. I still weighed 143 when I got home from work today - this is a great thing. I am hoping that I fall to the low end of that tomorrow morning.

I am taking a vacation day tomorrow, so I am going to try to sneak off to the gym for an hour. I am a little sore from my jog yesterday, but it feels great. I'm feeling it higher on my upper thighs than I ever have. That must be a muscle that fast walking doesn't use as much as jogging/running. I must do that more often.

Ok. Last pill tomorrow, then I'm on my own.

I knew it!

So, I did not exercise last night after all, but I did meet my goals for today so far. I woke up and weighed myself, and I was a little frustrated for not seeing a loss. I then felt better when I realized that I actually had 3 pills left instead of 2.

For breakfast, I ate my breakfast bar, and then I finished off my thai pepper steak at lunch. My clothes that I just bought in January are starting to hang on me now. I really didn't think I'd lose this much more weight so quickly. I weighed myself when I got home, because I was feeling good. 143!

I revamped my goals a bit, because I just remembered today that my brother Alex will be home from college the second week of May. I always try to have a goal set to coordinate with his homecomings, and I think that I would like to be under 140 by then - hopefully around 137. I have just over a month, so it's very possible. This would give me a couple of weeks to get to 135 by demf.

I absolutely cannot believe how far I've come.

So, I felt so good after I weighed myself that I actually did jump on the treadmill tonight. I only went 30 minutes, but I figure this is a good start. I averaged about 4.3 mph, which is way better than I've ever done in my life - even before I had kids. I still can't imagine going 6 mph or higher, but I know that I could do it if I made it a goal. I'm not quite ready to start setting serious fitness goals yet, but I will say that I'd like to use the treadmill 30 minutes for 3 days a week. Good start anyways.

After the treadmill, I ate a bowl of cereal and drank some more water. I might still eat a grapefruit and drink a cup of espresso, but that's it for today.

Goals for tomorrow: Eat light, drink lots of water, eat 3 servings of veges, eat 2 servings of fruit, treadmill or bowflex.

Hopefully, I'll see a repeat of the 143 - or lower.

A little frustration and inspiration all in one

So, I've been very good with my eating since Saturday, but I still have not seen any loss yet. I do know that it will happen if I just hold on for 2 more days...maybe 3. I usually see a pretty big drop in one day if I just wait it out.

I started out today with a breakfast bar. Not the tastiest, but it does satisfy the hunger. I just need something in my tummy to get to lunchtime. I had Thai for lunch today - thai pepper steak. I figure this couldn't be too awful. White rice with beef and veges. I know that the sauce is probably what kills, but I only ate half of the serving. I will eat the other half for lunch tomorrow. Since I was frustrated tonight, I only had a bowl of cereal for dinner. Cherios. I also had a couple cups of coffee at work today. Overall, low calories I'd think. I really need to up my water intake. Maybe I will start tonight. I could probably drink about 4 cups of water before bed. Plus, maybe it'll flush the sodium from the Thai out of my system.

I found this group online here, and I was reading the blogs. I would love to be a part of their group. It's small, but exciting. Some of them have been doing this for a while, and others appear to be just starting. I am hoping that my writings will encourage all of them. Of course just reading all of their blogs has been very encouraging, but it suddenly struck me that I might actually need to restart my exercise regimen to lose these last 15-20 pounds. Am I ready for this?

My pill supply runs out in two days. I have been cutting the pills in half for the past while anyways. I'm a little afraid that I'll have more cravings, but I always said that once they were gone, I was going to go back to the gym. Now is when I need to start toning anyways. It will be more apparent now that some of the fat is gone.

I am going to go to the basement now to use the Bowflex. I'll consider this Day 1 for exercise.

I will go to bed on time tonight too. Sleep has been a problem for me this week - probably due to new job stress.

Goals for tomorrow: Exercise, lots of water, light meals.

Only 2 pills left.

From March 31, 2007

So, I will be starting a new job on Monday - FINALLY. Some of you know how long of a process this has been for me. In the past couple of weeks, there have been so many lunches and treats and parties. I was so afraid to weigh myself, because, yes, I've indulged here and there. I did finally get up the nerve to brave the scale 2 mornings ago - NO GAIN. How exciting is that!

I think that I have officially changed my mindset about food. My idea of terrible eating now would have been my good days a year ago. The other exciting thing is that if I've eaten like this for two weeks and haven't gained anything, I should be able to lose 3 - 5 pounds with NO problem in the next week or so.

DEMF is now about 7 weeks away, so even if I lose 1 pound a week, then I will be hitting my goal of 140. I'm already in size 10 pants, and I think that I need to get some 8's really. I don't really understand that, since I wore sz 10 when I was 130 - 10 years ago. Do they make sizes larger now or am I just wearing my clothes tighter?

I still think I can hit 135 by demf, but I will realistically aim for 140 for now.

Thank you again to all of you that have been my my inspirations. I really feel so full of love right now for all of my friends - my heart sometimes feels as if it could actually burst.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

From March 14, 2007

Sooo....here it is just about 2 months away from demf, and I have now lost a total of 53 pounds. My official goal is to lose another 7 pounds by demf, but it would be way cool to lose another 12.

12 would take me down to my high weight from before I started having kids.

17 would take me down to my average weight before kids.

30 would take me down to my lowest weight as an adult before kids. I think I would actually consider this to be too thin now. huh...

From January 21, 2007

So...I've I guess it's been about 8 months now that I've been trying to change to change my way of life as it relates to eating. From about May until July, I tried to control the binge eating and the constant need to snack. The hardest time is usually when I'm with my family, so I have to be extremely focused to come out of those situations ok.

Here is a small timeline of my weightloss for those who care:

Last May (Memorial Day weekend), Vince and I went to demf (Detroit Electronic Music Fest). I had been fairly good for the prior month or so. It was a very hot weekend, and most girls were wearing shorts and tank tops. I was wearing jeans and I ventured out with short sleeves. I didn't feel super awful, because I'd been better and my stomach didn't feel bloated. I did decide that weekend that I wanted to lose at least 20 pounds before the next demf though.

In July, I went camping with my family. I know that I had decided before that week that I was not going to indulge in binge eating and snacking. This is incredibly hard for me especially when I'm with my family. I came out of that week just fine actually. On the way home, Vince said that it was ok if I wanted to go join Lifetime Fitness. I decided to go through with it, since I'd been pretty good for about 2 - 3 months by then. I would say that I'd probably lost about 10 pounds at this point. Not enough to really show, but I was feeling better. I started going by myself, and I was just going on the treadmill for a few weeks. I didn't really lose too much weight, but I was certainly feeling good about myself.

In August, I joined a 12 week class at the gym. I was a little afraid, because it was quite a bit of money, but I knew that it would keep me going. The goal they set for me was to lose 10 pounds. I ended up losing 13 pounds total.

The class ended in November, but after it was done, I did not revert back to my old ways of eating. I kind of coasted for a while, and I still felt much better. I started going on weight loss spurts at that time. I would try to lose 5 pounds in a week or so and then I would relax a bit - but not gain it back.

In December, I asked my doctor to give me a prescription for weight loss, and he thought that was fine, because I have low blood pressure. Throughout the holidays, I just stayed focused on my goal. I did not abstain completely, but I did try to only indulge in moderation. The biggest thing that I learned was that it is OK to indulge sometimes, and I do not have to beat myself up for it. In the past, I would basically throw in the towel if I'd had a bad day or weekend. The adipex has helped me to say no to things that I don't need. I couldn't believe that I'd lost a total of 35 - 40 pounds by New Years. I am still incredibly focused and I find that I feel thinner almost every day. My doctor will only allow me to take the adipex for another month or so, but I think that I will be ok after that. I lost most of the weight without the pills anyways.

I lost another 5 pounds this week. Every few weeks, I go through my closet to see how much further I need to go to fit into my old clothes. I did this on Thursday and was completely shocked when I could actually fit into almost everything. I went shopping this weekend and pretty much bought all size 12's. That is about the best feeling I've had in a long time. Up till now, I haven't really bought any new work clothes. People will really start to notice now.

I am not ready to stop or be satisfied with this, but I feel totally comfortable with where I'm at for now. I can't believe that I've lost 45 pounds in the past year. I never thought that I could actually accomplish this.

I am so grateful to the good influences in my life:

Jill, who was my initial inspiration, has gone on to lose an incredible amount of weight by just making small changes. She taught me that it is not a short term process, but a lifestyle change - even though it is incredibly cliche, it really works.

Jenn, who has also only improved herself and been on a continual weight loss path since I've met her. She has shown me that the weight will come off eventually.

Helga, who has taught me by example about proper portion sizes and making good choices. Thanks to Helga, I can now order the small lunch plate and be happy. I have also learned to say no to the bread - most of the time. Helga has also taught me the value of an active lifestyle. walk walk walk. She is in her 60s and looks fabulous.

Aunt Cathy, who has always tried to eat healthy and exercise since I've known her. She also looks fabulous in her 50s.

My brother Alex and my sister Mary, for being my biggest cheerleaders. Just when I thought that I was too old to be cool, they made me feel cute and fun. This mentality has allowed me to have hope and to strive to meet my goals. It's helped that Alex has been away at college. My weight loss goals are very tied to his homecomings. I couldn't believe that I met my Christmas goal. Just knowing that he was going to be expecting changes, I really put forth my best effort.

I would also love to give a shout out to blue jeans. They have helped me to feel good and given me the desire to lose more weight so that I look even better in them.

My next goals are:

After my doctor takes me off of the adipex, I would like to go back to the gym and join another 12 week class. I could really use the toning and it will help me stay focused after I don't have the help of the pills anymore.

I would like to lose another 5 pounds by Valentine's Day - I should be able to do this easily.

I would still love to lose 20 pounds by demf.

From May 6, 2006

So I've been trying to get back into shape lately. I had a strategy for trying to get to the point that I wanted to commit to a better lifestyle. I just started eating a ton of junk. As I neared a new high and my largest clothes were almost too small, I hit a point that I knew I had to do something. Another thing that happened is that I saw one of my sisters, and she had lost a good chunk of weight. She said that she wasn't really even really trying. She had just been making better choices for the past many months and realized that her clothes were fitting way better. When she stepped on the scale, she had lost about 15 - 20 pounds. Of course, now she is really encouraged to keep it up. Plus, she has eased into a better lifestyle already, so it'll be not that difficult for her to just step it up a little on the exercise and all that and lose all the rest of the weight.

Anyways...back to me. So I decided that I was going to take a similar approach. I have been eating much better and trying to be more physically active. I have been fairly good for about 3 weeks now. For those who know me, this is pretty huge for me. I usually crap out after a couple of days of this.

My strategy is to eat plenty of healthy snacks throughout the day. When I go to work, I take several servings of fruits and vegetables, instant oatmeal, a couple of 100 calorie snack packs (to satisfy the junk food cravings), and a lean cuisine. We sometimes go out for lunch, but I do try to not eat the worst thing on the menu.

I have also been walking almost every day. My friend told me to do something for 21 days straight, and it will become a habit. Tomorrow will be day 21 for me. I hope she's right. I actually am starting to look forward to when I get to stretch my leg muscles during a good walk. I walk about 30 minutes each day before work. I started by walking outside, but I have transitioned over to the treadmill, because I push myself harder on that. I need to come up with some more variety, so that I don't get too bored and quit. I also have a co-worker that always walks on her lunch, and I've recently started walking with her. We work in a great area for this. Ann Arbor is beautiful, and it is a great place to walk. We went to the running store and bought pedometers. This really is a great tool to encourage more physical activity. We aim for 10,000 steps per day, but we usually exceed that by a couple of thousand.

The exercise makes me feel not so guilty for sometimes splurging on my calories a bit. I have been trying to not hang it all up if I screw up on my diet. In fact, I don't look at it as screwing up anymore. As long as I maintain an active lifestyle, it's FINE to have dessert sometimes or whatever.

Last night, I did have the urge to really throw in the towel. This week, I've struggled a bit more. I've been in some unhealthy food situations. Yesterday, we went to Pacific Rim for lunch. (Upscale Asian cuisine type of thing). I got Pad Thai with Shrimp. It was so good. I don't know how bad it is, but I'm sure it's not the best. For some reason, I started craving pizza last night. I didn't get it, but I was also craving anything I could think of. Anyways, I got some new makeup in the mail the day before - Bare Escentuals, have you tried them...sooooo awesome (that might be another blog) - anyways, i went upstairs to try out my new makeup. Then I felt like I should do my hair. I was feeling very good about the way I looked, and I think that helped me to refocus on my goal of looking awesome. Instead of giving into all the cravings, I started exercising a little bit, and then had a light snack. So that's my new strategy - every time I want to eat bad, I'm going to do something else that makes me feel and look good. I think this will help me stay focused. For some reason, it's easier to not care about being fat when the rest of you is a mess. Maybe next time I'll change out of the sweats and put on some sexy jeans and redo my hair and makeup. Then I'll think of the SMALLER sexier jeans that I could be wearing if I stayed on track to lose the weight.

I think that's a plan.

First Blog

So...I've been changing my life for the past year now, and I've written about it in my blogs on myspace. I will repost those here to get started and to give a brief history.

I found this group, and I really wanted to be a part of it. I am already inspired from the other blogs, and I hope to inspire others.

Here we go...