You ask for more blogs?

I will try to blog every day even if it's just a one-liner :)

Some exciting news from me today. Remember that suit I bought right before I returned to work October 1st? I wore it on my first day back, and it was entirely too tight (after a terrible eating weekend). I remembered it today and tried it on. It fits rather nicely now, and the waist even has some give. Yay!

I've been trying so hard to make every bootcamp session and go in an extra day for cardio, and I am seeing rather nice improvements in almost every part of my physique (arms, torso, butt, thighs, etc...). I really would like to see 20% BF or below at my next assessment (in just under 2 weeks). I haven't lost much weight, if any, but I really don't care too much about that right now.

I feel like things are almost exactly as they should be right now.

Next challenge: halloween candy. I think I'll only allow the kids to go down our street. No need to get greedy. Plus, the less candy in the house the better. It's already going to be bad enough to have it at everyone's desks at work.

Just couldn't seem to go to bed without blogging

Nothing to say really. Bootcamp tonight. Same same. Eating was fine. Hamstrings are feeling a little better. I have two more days to relax them before the next trip to the gym. I'm glad to have a couple of days off though. I really hope the next assessment yields the results that I've been working hard for this month.

Ok. Going to bed fa rayl now.

Weekend Fun

What a great weekend I had. Lots of fun with friends.

As far as eating goes, I think I did very well. Went to a Halloween party last night and barely looked at the spread of food. Plus, I only had a few drinks. I consider this a success. I had friends over on Friday night, and we just had a nice meal. I drank quite a few calories of red wine that night though. Still...

I went to the gym and ran 4 miles today...mixed it up with some different intervals. 10 minutes around 4.5 - 5.5. Then 1 min 7.0, 1 min 3.0 (3 sets), 3 minutes 5.5, 1 minute 3.0 (3 sets), 45 sec 8.0, 75 sec 3.0 (4 sets).

I am still very sore from bootcamp last week, and my run didn't really make me feel better. My hamstrings are just killing me. I'm kind of feeling where I'm just sick of being sore...although it's one of those good sore feelings.

I have bootcamp tomorrow night, and then I have 2 days off. Hopefully I feel better by Thursday.

Damn it!

Evidently, I was only strong enough to tempt fate once. I got the kids a LC pizza again tonight (bad mom). I was really good for a while. I had my Optimum Rebound tonight (cereal that is supposed to help in recovery). I was doing well. I had put the 2 extra pieces in a container, but I didn't put it in the fridge soon enough. Oh well...can't change it now. Push forward.

Another huge problem earlier today. I discovered these Amy's Cheese Enchiladas that are quick tasty...and healthy too...organic and all that. I was thrilled that they tasted so good, because they only had 240 calories...although a little high in fat at 14 grams. I'd decided to not let myself have these more than once a week...didn't want to get sick of them. Today was the third time I'd had one for lunch. Imagine my dismay when I happened to notice that there were actually TWO servings per container. I always check for that, but I never would have thought that I'd have to on a simple little frozen lunch. Good thing I didn't have one every day for the past 3 weeks. 480 calories and 28 grams of fat??? Eeeeeckkkk!!!!!!!!!!

Boot camp was enjoyable tonight - a lot of upper body, with a little lower body mixed in. She was nice to us, because she knew that tomorrow night is with Keith the Trainer. She is cool though. She does our workouts with us, and she is actually going to attend tomorrow night as well. I'm glad, because I want her to see what Keith puts us through.

The Biggest Loser pissed me off last night. I really wish they wouldn't put food like that in front of the contestants...or I wish they wouldn't air it. I was doing fine with my cravings until I watched that shit. They were eating crackers & cookies...and I love my comfort carbs. I really had to stop myself from grabbing a cheese and cracker pack or two. I ended up eating a South Beach snack bar right after TBL ended...limited the damage.

That wasn't all that made me mad. Neil drinking 2 gallons of water right before the weigh-in...gaining 17 lbs in 1 week??? A stupid strategic move to sabotage another team. I won't get into it here, but those that watched it know what I'm talking about. I'm glad Bob was raging mad. I hope that I never see that type of thing again. I wish they would have voted him off. It was kinda stupid not to imo. He's going to lose like 30 pounds next week.

Ok. What else am I upset about? hmmm....oh yeah...the Swanky situation of course. Besides that though...can't think of anything that I'd like to discuss.

Holy moly! I can't believe I almost forgot about something this good. I thought it might be an illusion, so I've been hesitant to say anything, but... I am actually seeing some real ab definition lately...2 little bumps up near my rib cage. I asked my trainer tonight if it was fat rolls, and she said that there was definitely muscle and definition there! I was trying to think of when I've really done anything to achieve this, and then it hit me. Almost everything we do at bootcamp involves our core along with whatever else we're working. Even tonight, we were standing on the Bosu's doing shoulder presses and other things. We also did plank holds and a bunch of other things. If I think about it...I've been doing things to strengthen my abs for several months now. Why shouldn't I be seeing some results? Silly me... I guess I thought that there was so much fat above it that I'd never see the muscle. Stay tuned...

Nothing much to say

Today is one of my rest days, which is nice because I'm very very sore through my inner thighs...and getting more sore by the hour.

I had this fabulous chicken breast for dinner. I bought it from Westborn Fruit Market, and it was stuffed with mozzarella and asparagus. It was a very large portion though. Next time I'll split one with someone else.

Other than that...I've been drinking a lot of water today and getting stuff done. Both feel nice.

I got a very cool compliment Saturday night. Someone who I've known for about 15 years told me that they think I look better now than I ever have since they've known me. That's a pretty big statement, considering they've known me since I was 18...before I had kids.

Ok. That's all. I'm going to bed early tonight.

Star Pupil

Yes, I was the star of bootcamp tonight...but only because I was the only one to show up. It was nice...lower body workout. Treadmill jog 4.0 mph 15% incline for 1 minute, lunges 1.2 mph 6% incline 2 minutes, walk 3.0 mph 2% incline 1 minute, crunches on stability ball holding 10 lb dumbbell over head...repeat all 3 times. Then 15 - 1 leg deadlifts with 10 lbs, 20 of some kind of fast crisscrossing lunges (can't remember the name), then 15 - of something else that I was stepping up with the 10 lb dumbbell overhead...repeat all 3 times.

I feel good. Eating has been ok. Seriously - not stellar, but nothing too bad.

I want to take bootcamp seriously at least until the next assessments (in 3 weeks)...it'll be cool to see how much my hard work pays off. My goal is to not miss one session, so it'll be 3 sessions per week, plus I want to make sure to get in 1 extra workout on the weekend...preferably cardio. It doesn't even have to be at the gym. It just needs to be something physical...like rock climbing.

That's about all I have to say tonight.

It's all in how you look at it...

This is just something funny that my 5 yr old said yesterday. We were out and about yesterday, so we stopped at Wendy's a quick bite to eat. Audrey was eating her chicken sandwich and said, "Mom, this chicken bread salad tastes so good." Hilarious.

There's so much to write, so I don't know if I'll go over it all. Maybe I'll speed blog today.

My "binge" on Friday was not really a binge. It was my way of avoiding a binge. I did well overall, considering what my body or mind was telling me to do.

Saturday, I got up and had an egg on whole wheat toast. Then right before rock climbing, I had a yogurt smoothie and a plain chicken sandwich from Wendy's. Rock climbing was way fun, and I'm so glad we did it. I'm a little sore through my triceps and upper back....which are good places to be sore.

After rock climbing, we went to one of my favorite restaurants in Ann Arbor, and I got the chopped salad. I also ate a couple of pieces of bread, but overall I think I did well considering what I could have gotten (baked mac & chz). I was also witness to Melissa being good too - even skipped the bread.

After dinner, my husband I and went to our first Halloween party of the season. I had a little bit of Bailey's, and a couple of beers and steered clear of the crock pots (I didn't even go by that area once).

So, overall, I felt that the damage from yesterday was limited to just a poor day instead of disastrous.

I posted a couple of rock climbing pics below (the last one is me about 50' high). Click here for
the complete album.

Measurements 10/19/07, 5/29/08

I don't even know if I measure all of these right or if it's what the parts are actually called, but I know I do it the same every time. The first number is from October. The second number is from today.

Weight: 138, 124

Neck: 12.5, 12
Chest: 31, 30.5
Bicep: 10.5, 10.5
Waist: 28, 26.5
Hips: 37.5, 36
Abdomen: 38.5, 37.5
Thigh: 22.5, 21
Calf: 14, 13.5

Best...Tea...Ever

Yeah...a cold that I've been trying to fight off for about two weeks now has finally come crashing down on me. I haven't used my sick time at work, so I decided to stay home and rest yesterday. It's probably due to all the weather changes.

I felt so hungry yesterday. I had a breakfast bar. Then an hour later, I made 1 egg on whole wheat toast. Then I was watching The Office from last week (the one with the pizza). So, I did give in to the leftover LC pizza in my fridge. Luckily, there was only one piece left. Then I moved onto tea, and I must say that this is the best tea I've ever had. You might remember that gift bag I won at the gym a few months ago. It included this Aveda tea, but I never tried it until today. It just says Comforting on it. Great stuff.

I tried out Tim Horton's new Fajita Wrap on whole wheat yesterday. This was very tasty. I would definitely get it again. That and their turkey rice soup kept me full for a long time. I ended up having a hot dog on whole wheat later in the day.

Overall, I felt like binging yesterday, and I did give in a little. It could have been soooo much worse though. Today I'm glad that I kept it in check a little yesterday.

I'm so geeked about today. Melissa and I and some others are going rock climbing for Grant's bday party. This cold will not keep me away. It'll be nice to get in a workout through a regular weekend activity. After that, we have a Halloween party to go to.

Stealing from the other Kristen

Another Kristen posted this article on her blog today, and I just had to share it with you guys. Excellent excellent article. I'm sure some of you might have already read it before.

Tonight was another session with Keith the Trainer. I swear he's out to kill us, but I must say that I was so much better tonight than last week. He seems to enjoy making us do lots of lunges, squats, suicides, and sprints...with, oh, about 10 - 15 seconds rest time between sets. There was a new girl there testing out the class, but I don't think she'll be back. I'm so glad I have tomorrow off from the gym. I so need it.

I think that my tone is definitely returning now - and quickly. I'm so excited to see what my bf% will be in 4 weeks at the next assessment. Maybe I shouldn't set myself up for disappointment, but I am feeling so good right now.

So, I read this thing online today about body fat percentages and weight loss. Bear with me here...it took me a few minutes to digest what it was saying. Let's say that I weigh around 140 lbs, and my body fat is 21%, but I'd like to lose 20 pounds. 140 x 21.3% = about 30 pounds of fat, so that means I should have 110 lbs of lean body mass. If I lost 20 pounds of fat, I'd only have 10 lbs of fat left, right? This would put me at about 8% body fat. This is a completely unhealthy bf% for a female. I don't think we're supposed to get below 14%. So...let's say I want to be at 17% bf. 140 x 17% = about 24 lbs of body fat. 24 bf + 110 lean body mass = 134 lbs total. So, as long as I don't lose any lean body mass, I should only aim for 134 lbs as my goal weight to be at 17% bf. Does this sound right? Is bf% the most important thing? And is it possible that I actually have 110 lbs of lean body mass right at this moment? I still feel as if I have a ton of fat to lose - especially around my midsection. Help me out here. How accurate is the skinfold method? The past three of mine have been anywhere from 21.3, 21.9%, and 22.9%.

Sorry to throw all these numbers out there, but I've been obsessing over it all day...

I did well today with my eating. I fought off temptation several times. Serious temptation. First, I walked to Starbucks with someone today, but I didn't get anything. It was almost lunchtime, so I decided I actually needed food instead of more caffeine. Then I asked if they'd go somewhere with me to get something to eat, because I didn't want my Lean Cuisine. However, I thought about the fact that we were going to grab lunch tomorrow, so I should just suffer through my Lean Cuisine, which ended up being good anyways (love the Spa line). Last, but not least, I told the kids last night that we'd get Little Caesars tonight after the gym. Don't scold me, please. I dished out their servings, and put the rest in the fridge. It's sitting in there right now, and I'm not even feeling tempted. I think I'm just so focused right now that I don't want to blow what I've been doing in the gym on a stupid piece or 3 of LC pizza. Instead, I grabbed a bowl of Optimum Recovery (does anyone have an opinion on these?).

I think that's about all I have to say tonight. I look forward to hearing your opinions on my issue. Please don't forget to welcome Silvana.

New FAT Member

Hey, guys...

We have a new member of FAT. Her name is Silvana, and she is from Montreal. She's been working out for about a year now, but she hasn't seen the weight loss that she'd like. Please go welcome her.

She already has an existing blog that she will use for this too.

I'll write more about me after bootcamp tonight :)

Pool Workout

First, let me start out by saying that I had another good eating day. Woohoo!

We did bootcamp in the pool tonight. I must say that it was an interesting workout. It was a lot of "running" and we had these "weights" that we used. My leg muscles were burning, and my heart rate monitor said that I burned 500 calories. Plus, the instructor said that our heart rate monitors reflect a lower heart rate than the actual one, so I probably burned more than that.

You might have noticed that I've changed my ticker at the top. I've decided that I'm not really aiming to lose much weight anymore...maybe 5 pounds. I'm focusing on body fat percentage and overall health and fitness right now. If I happen to lose more than 5 lbs, I'm not going to complain, but it's not going to be something I'm obsessed with anymore...at least for this week :)

My immediate goal for BF is to get under 20%. My ultimate goal is going to be 17%. I'm not sure how difficult that will be, but it's something to work toward. (I'm currently at 21.3%.)

Nothing much else to say tonight. Gotta go eat something and get to bed.

No...uhuh

I'm not going to let the incredibly stressful commute drive me to stress eat tonight. It's just not going to happen. I've been working so hard and I've been so focused. This will not ruin my good streak. It won't.

So yeah...it was a good day until about 2 hours ago. I don't think I mentioned food much yesterday or the day before, but I've been eating quite well. I also hit the gym for the past two days. Tonight is my rest night, because I have bootcamp for the next two days. I feel like working out, but I've learned from experience that 5 days in a row at that level is just way too tiring for me. Better to rest my aching muscles.

I found this podcast for running mixes. I used the 170 bpm one for my run yesterday, and it kept me focused...or distracted...depending how you look at it.

Now...I have a couple of questions for you today:

What has FAT done for you? I mean, where do you think you'd be without FAT?

As for me...most of you know I lost the majority of my weight before joining FAT, but...I think that I'd probably be 10 pounds heavier. I don't think that I'd have gone back to the gym yet, so my shape would be much different. I wouldn't be in great cardio shape. Even if I had gone back to the gym, I don't think I would have ever tested out my running abilities.

Next...calling all FAT in Michigan:

I think it would be a great experience for all of us to get together for a 5k. Rob, I think you do these the most. Maybe we could just join you on your next one - or the one after if it's too soon. I know we keep kinda of mentioning it, but I think it's time to really do it. There are at least 4 or 5 of us here, right? Who's in?

Assessment Time!

So, I'm posting my stats...which means they were good! Yippee! Hooray!

Bad news first...I gained 5 pounds since my last weigh-in at the gym, but I decided to start wearing my shoes again for these, and I ate and drank a lot of water within an hour of my assessment...because I wanted to make sure I had enough energy. So, 5 lbs might be a little of this and a little of that.

Now the good news: My body fat percentage was 21.3%!!! The last two times were both about 2-3% higher (June & July). I'm now in the Good category for the first time, and there is only one higher (excellent).

I did 41 situps in 1 minute. Then I did 35 pushups in 1 minute (15 plank, 20 modified).

The agility test was a variety of different running things going half court and back 3 times. I did this in 28 seconds...should've been lower, but I stumbled on the last sprint....grrr...

My cardio test came back lower, but I guess this is to be expected since I missed a couple of months of running after my surgery. She had me go 4.0 mph @ 5% incline for 5 mins. The treadmill calculates your score automatically. I'm still in the good category...down from excellent the last time. I think the difference was my speed. I should have put it at 4.5. (I used 4.3 last time.)

Final stat: We had to see how far we could run in 12 minutes. I stayed conservative at 6.0 mph for most of the time. The last two minutes, I bumped it up to 6.5 and then 7.0. I am pretty sure I could've done 6.5+ the whole time. My final distance was 1.18 miles. Fine.

I'm looking at all of these stats as a starting point. I've taken bootcamp before, but I always seemed to miss the assessment nights :) I was pleasantly surprised with my numbers tonight, and I cannot wait to see what they will be next time.

Who cares about the 5 lb gain considering I lost a couple of percentage points in my body fat.

Wednesday night is pool night. Blech. I'll let ya all know how it goes.

***Edit***

So, after I posted this, I realized that my bf% is not down as much as I thought. My last two assessments were 21.9 & 22.9? Oh well, I'm still down and very happy with that. This new number says that I'm no longer below average or even average...I'm in better shape than the average 33 yr old :) Not so bad for a mother of 4, huh? I just can't wait to make it to the excellent category now.

Cardio Day

I went to a friend's house on Friday night, and I ate normally. What is normal? Well, I ate what they had and enjoyed it. A couple small pieces of homemade pizza and a brownie with a little ice cream on top. I'm fine with this. The rest of my eating for the day was pretty good. Plus, we didn't drink, so I saved some normal Friday night calories right there.

Saturday was not so great. I ate well throughout the day, but then we went to a bday party that had this awesome pizza there. I had 3 pieces and a couple of pieces of bread. I chose not to eat the cake though. I really don't love cake, and I thought that I'd rather spend the calories on another piece of pizza...which I did not do after all. No drinking again.

I was supposed to meet a friend up at the gym at noon today. I almost called her at about 11:45 just to see if she was still going, but I decided against that just in case she changed her mind. As it turned out, I didn't see her there, but maybe that's better anyways. This way, I did what I wanted and was able to push myself a little more than if I'd have a friend with me.

I used the elliptical for 30 minutes. Kept my HR at about 170 - 175 throughout most of it. Then I headed over the to the treadmill. Maybe I'll do the treadmill first next time, because my legs felt a little jello-y after the elliptical. I am still disappointed with my speed, but it's definitely getting better every week. I used to be able to warmup at 5.0 mph, but now I go about 5.5 for my regular speed. I did bump it up to 6.0 for the last set that I did today. I went 3 minutes 5.5, then 1 minute 3.5 for about 30 minutes. This was actually a very enjoyable workout. I base my speed on my heart rate, so I hope to see 5.5 going up very soon to match my 175 HR.

Tomorrow will be special. ha. It's assessment day for bootcamp. I'm very afraid, because I know I've lost so much ground since my surgery. I'm afraid of being disappointed and getting depressed. I know that one of the things is to see how many miles we can go in 12 minutes. I'm sure they'll see how many pushups we can do. They'll probably calculate our BF%. ick.

I may or may not tell you all the results. I might just wait to see what they are after my next assessment and brag about my progress.

Ummm...Wow!

Tonight was the first time working with Keith the Trainer, and I have to say that that's exactly how I always imagined bootcamp would be like. Holy crap! We got more done in 10 minutes than we normally do in 20 with the other trainers I've worked with. I think this is due to very little rest time between sets. He kicked our asses. I loved it! I mean I hated it at times, of course, but wow! Normally I could come home and tell you everything that we did, but there is no way I could remember everything today. In fact, I'm so beat, I'm having a hard time remembering anything we did. I'm so glad I have the weekend to recover, although I plan on going in on Sunday for some cardio with a friend.

One cool thing about the gym is that I feel so comfortable there now. Lifetime facilities are just massive and they seem to be packed no matter what time of day you go. It can be really overwhelming at first. Now I'm always running into people that I know all the time...friends, coworkers, people that I've met at the gym, etc... It's just a cool feeling, I guess. It just helps to make it feel like a normal part of my life. I actually felt a little bad last night, because I ran into someone I knew that I don't see too often and gave her a quick hug before realizing that it was kind of gross (sweaty shirt). Oh well...she didn't seem to care.

I have to say that I feel completely back to normal now. I'm motivated and so ready to be hot. I do need to work more on my cardio stuff, because that's not all the way back to normal yet. I don't expect it to take too long though.

I've had several different people refer to me as teeny this week. Granted they are all bigger, but it still is helping to motivate me into actually being teeny. I feel thinner, therefore I act thinner...if that makes sense :)

fyi...my eating was good today...except for the sliver of apple pie...the tiniest of slivers though. I also haven't weighed myself since last week. From what I know of my body, I'm doing fine, but I'm afraid of seeing a bad number and then going crazy with the food...when I've been so good this week regardless of what the scale says. No sense in messing that up.

Ok. I'm going to try to get in bed early tonight to let this body rest.

Wait...one more thing...I just wanna say that I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting as much lately. It's not that I'm not reading and enjoying your posts...it's just that the right words are eluding me for some reason. This will pass, and I'll be as vocal as ever soon.

Pushing Forward

Today's eating was ok again...although I did have half a donut in the morning. I don't even like donuts. Oh well. It could have been a whole one or two. So, half is better...which is my whole strategy as of late. For lunch, I had an Amy's cheese enchilada thing...good stuff. Ok, so the calorie count was good (240), but there were 14 grams of fat...and I have to say that it was definitely worth the fat grams. The best part was that someone was begging me to go out to lunch with them, and I was going to, but then I came to my senses and realized that I was going to go out only to fulfill an emotional need. We probably would have gone to Hard Rock and gotten something that didn't even taste that great anyways. So...for dinner, I had chicken with mushrooms. Not a bad eating day at all.

Tonight was bootcamp. We focused on upper body. I really need to learn how to do some real pushups already. I should practice that at home on my days off. My heart rate monitor said I burned about 600 calories. I'm not even going to go into what we did tonight...there's just too much weird stuff. Ok, not that weird...just stuff I've never seen before. Ok, I will go into it. The reason I love this bootcamp class is that they do so many different things that I wouldn't consider to be typical workout stuff. Yeah, we do pushups and other normal things, but there always seems to be a twist. One of the things we did tonight was throw a medicine ball backwards over our heads in the gym and then run to pick it up and continue running with it until we reached the other side of the gym. We did 10 of these in each circuit. My heart rate was so high by the time I got to about the 5th one. We also did lunges on the treadmill tonight (I've done this before). Set the treadmill to about 12 - 15% incline and set it to go really slow like 1.0 mph. Then just lunge :)

What a boring blog today. I really don't have much to say, except thanks for all the bday wishes and for all your support.

So...

Let's see... I went to boot camp last night, and I was so happy to hear that we were doing cardio. Here's what we did:

3 sets of 3 minutes fast, 1 minute slow (all on the treadmill)
3 sets of lunges up 2 sets of stairs, run back down

We did all that 3 times and then did 120 crunches (various)

It felt so good to get running again. Ok, it was more like jogging. The trainer wanted to keep our heart rates in Zone 3 for most of the workout (HR around 175 for me). Still felt good.

Then the trainer showed us the wall that had her story on it. She used to be known as the fat trainer. She's not fat at all now...very muscular (in a girl way still). It's always exciting for me to hear about the trainers that have also transformed their bodies. I feel like they can actually relate to us so much better with this insight.

My eating has been very good I'd say, although I did have a brownie this morning at work. Then my friend took me to lunch. I had this wonderful entree called dragon eggs: chicken breast stuffed with gorgonzola...with hot sauce on the outside...sitting on top of a caesar salad. So tasty that it's making my mouth water just typing about it. I'm glad I forgot the box in her vehicle.

I met some of my old friends at a pub tonight, and I was so good. I didn't order anything to eat or drink. Then I got home and ate a couple of baked corn tortillas dipped in hummus. Good stuff.

Thanks for all your supportive comments yesterday. I was really feeling down about myself and lacking motivation. I haven't binged like that in a very long time, and I know how quickly that type of behavior can get out of control. I'm not exaggerating this at all when I say that you guys are what keeps me in check. Yes, I have other friends that I can turn to, but you guys are right there for me every day. I look to you for inspiration, and you never let me down...through your words and your actions.

I know that in the past my binge would have gone on for at least a week and then a month. Now I have it for a day or 3 and then move on. Working out is the other thing that turns it all around. It's funny how you can walk into a gym feeling fat and disgusting, but walk out feeling sleek. That's how I feel anyways :) This makes me more conscious of what I'm putting into my mouth.

Ok. That's all for tonight. Time for TBL.

It's me again - the Fatty Fat Binging Binger

It is what it is. I'm not going to say that today is a new day and all that. I don't know what got into me, but I think I should have just allowed myself to eat something horrid this weekend. Instead, I picked at things all weekend (which added up to who knows what). When it was all said and done, I still ate pizza last night anyways. Sometimes you just need pizza.

The binge didn't make me fat, but I'm stopping before it gets to that point. I'm not going to go on a strict diet. I haven't been normal since the first week or so after my surgery. I have bootcamp tonight, but I need to get back to running too. I need to aim for 5 days a week at the gym.

As far as eating goes, I'm going back to the beginning of it all when I just made small changes and all that. Going back to read my first blog posts. Cutting back on the carbs. Making better choices. Eating 100% will not do it for me. I will go crazy and binge. What worked before should work again.

This is not meant to be a whiny blog. I just suck lately, and I'm trying to find my way back.

Honestly, I think my binge was supposed to get me to the point where I was sick of eating. It's not right, but it works sometimes. Today has been much better already.

The real problem is complacency. I'm not fat. I'm not thin. I'm just good enough to not freak out when I take a step backwards. I allow myself a cushion of what I think is an "acceptable" weight for me...so I seem to be sliding around in that range.

Ok. Back to business.

Silly Girl

Ok. Confession time. I know that there are a lot of haters of The Biggest Loser here, but I must admit that I cried more than once during last night's episode. I'm not sure why last night was different, but I was inspired and moved when the trainers were pushing the contestants harder than ever. Yeah, tears were running down my face when Jillian (sp?) made that girl go 12 mph on the treadmill for 5 seconds. The girl told Jillian that she was crazy, but guess what...she went 12 mph. Now I know that she didn't go a full minute or anything, but this girl did not believe that it was physically possible to go 12 mph period. How many of us have been in that place? How many of us are now doing things now that we never thought possible? I'm thinking that most of us hold back and never realize our full potential, because we simply don't believe. I say let's crank up those treadmills during HIIT to test ourselves. Put it on an ungodly speed...just to see.

The other tearful moment was when they were passing out their goal t-shirts. It was cheesy, but listening to the girl that just wanted to shop in normal stores again reminded me of myself a year ago. Then there was the guy whose shirt said he wanted to be half the man so that he could be twice the man (do the family stuff that he can't really do right now). I know I didn't want to do anything when I was fat. Now I look back on my vacation from this summer and remember all the stuff we did - that I enjoyed and wanted to do. I am a completely different person now than I was last year. Some of us have already reached most of our goals, so it may be time to set some new ones that don't have numbers attached to them. I haven't thought of one for me yet.

I do think that those of us here have more to be proud of since we did it all on our own, but I'm certainly wishing all TBL's people success too. Most of them seem to keep the weight off, so it must not be all that bad.

In other news...

It's official...Austin has strep throat. Ick.

I'm feeling much better. I packed my lunch and ate it today. I came home and ate chicken breast, rice, and soup. I'm not going to make it to boot camp tonight, since Austin is quarantined for another day. I will do a workout here though. I will pack my lunch again for tomorrow.

p.s. there's a small possibility that my emotional moments could be PMS-related? :)

I Feel ICK!

I don't know what's going on. I have been eating better, and I even exercised yesterday. I feel huge today as if it's TTOM. It might be PMS for all I know. I still have my ovaries, so I could still be experciencing those symptoms. On top of that, I feel like I'm getting sick. I hope that I haven't picked up Austin's sickness...he's still feeling awful.

I finished out Day 2 at work. I brought my lunch and got to eat it today. I also ate my apple. Oh, I did get some soup from a cafe. I'm sure it wasn't too bad. It sure tasted good. For dinner, I finished off the hummus I got on Saturday. That shows that I've been watching my portion sizes.

Ok. I need to get some rest, so that's all I am going to say tonight. I've already packed my lunch for tomorrow :)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

This morning started off with a bang as my oldest kid was crying from a terrible headache and sore throat. Me, being the good mom that I am, told him to get out of bed and get his clothes on. I figured I could see just how sick he really was by the time we left. It really was evident by then that he was sick. My husband had a job today, so I decided to take the boy to work with me (how could I miss my first day back). I just wanted to get through all my emails and say hello to everyone. At noon, the boy was sleeping in my spare chair, so I decided to bring him home. He's been pretty much sleeping ever since. Awww...he really is sick :(

I was supposed to have boot camp tonight, but I couldn't really take the sick one to the child center, so here I am still at home. There is good news though. I promise promise promise that I'm going to use my bowflex tonight. I just have to. Getting dressed for work is nothing like wearing sweats every day all day. Let's just say that I wished my clothes were a little looser today, and I got out of them as soon as I walked in the door. Yes, these are my new clothes that I just bought last week. Hey, haven't I been saying that I needed some goal clothes? Well, I've decided to put the first suit back in the closet until I drop a few more lbs. I will try the second one later this week. Either way, tight clothes are a nice reminder of my goals.

My eating was ok today. I didn't go out to lunch with friends. I brought my lunch, although I didn't get to eat it before leaving for the day. I did eat the apple that I packed though. Hmmm...what else? I weighed myself this morning. All that I'll say is that it was 13_ . I fully expect the number to go down after I get a couple of good days under my belt.

Addendum: I did some things on the Bowflex. Then I did 200 crunches and 50 modified pushups while watching Heroes. Better than nothing I suppose.