It is what it is. I'm not going to say that today is a new day and all that. I don't know what got into me, but I think I should have just allowed myself to eat something horrid this weekend. Instead, I picked at things all weekend (which added up to who knows what). When it was all said and done, I still ate pizza last night anyways. Sometimes you just need pizza.
The binge didn't make me fat, but I'm stopping before it gets to that point. I'm not going to go on a strict diet. I haven't been normal since the first week or so after my surgery. I have bootcamp tonight, but I need to get back to running too. I need to aim for 5 days a week at the gym.
As far as eating goes, I'm going back to the beginning of it all when I just made small changes and all that. Going back to read my first blog posts. Cutting back on the carbs. Making better choices. Eating 100% will not do it for me. I will go crazy and binge. What worked before should work again.
This is not meant to be a whiny blog. I just suck lately, and I'm trying to find my way back.
Honestly, I think my binge was supposed to get me to the point where I was sick of eating. It's not right, but it works sometimes. Today has been much better already.
The real problem is complacency. I'm not fat. I'm not thin. I'm just good enough to not freak out when I take a step backwards. I allow myself a cushion of what I think is an "acceptable" weight for me...so I seem to be sliding around in that range.
Ok. Back to business.
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15 comments:
I have noticed you have been struggling ever since your surgery. Hate to see it cause your one of the big playas around here ya know. I know that you will nip it in the butt and get back at it. Just get up before you get to far down. You haven't been posting as much lately either. Not that I am the posting police or anything. I guess that comment comes from the fact I like to read your blogs and I think the blogging helps keep health in the forefront of my mind. Anyway Kristen glad to see you are taking the steps need to get going again.
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself at all. I think you have really mastered the eating part and just need to concentrate on the working out part (as i do)... You can really eat anything you want (within reason) as long as you keep moving... Don't you think?
Kirsten, I do agree with you - as long as I don't care about getting into my 6's. That's something I'm going to have to come to terms with. Do I want it badly enough?
Rip, I'm still here. Seriously. I'm not going anywhere. I just needed a small break. You guys are my lifeline when it comes to this.
I've been there before, and I've slid all the way back (and more).
I don't think your transformation is fully complete until you reach your goal and maintain it for a while. You have to get used to yourself in the body you've always wanted so you don't accept anything less.
See, Jay. That's the problem. I never really saw myself getting to this point, so it's difficult to take it to the next level. This is where I wanted to be. Now I have to convince myself that I want more.
To play devil's advocate - if you're where you want to be - do you really need more? Are you happy with what you are, or do you WANT more? Don't force yourself to lose if you don't think it's what's right for you either.
Then again, don't go binging pizza all the time - especially when I'm starving and reading your blog! ;)
I think its all about being comfortable in your own skin... I will know its time to be comfortable when I can take a pic of myself in my swimming trunks and post it on my blog and feel fine about the way I look. Could you take a pic in your swimsuit and feel good about the way you look? I know my whole comment might seem vein but it really isn't. Wouldnt a healthy happy body look good? Just a way for me to measure whether I am mentally and physically happy. I know realistically I may never be able to obtain my goal because of loose skin and stretch marks but its my dream. Whats yours? what was your original plan on getting healthy, how did you picture it?
Kristen, I understand your struggle completely. Remember, you were superwoman before your surgery. You don't have to be superwoman but it did make you feel awesome (read blogs).
Anyway, you had your routine upset and it will be difficult to get it back. It sounds like an excuse but it's a good one. Hang in there - you know what to do and how to do it.
Yup, what they all said. If you're in new territory, it's time to reassess your goals. Once you've met a goal, set another. It doesn't have to be about weight, either, maybe it is speed or strength or eliminating something from your diet. You'll find it easier to focus on and achieve your goals if you really know what they are. Plus, like Rip said, post more! We love hearing it!
Thanks, guys. All of your comments were really helpful.
FYI...I went to bootcamp tonight, and I'm already feeling a ton better - physically and emotionally. My trainer said that it shouldn't take long to get back to where I was before my surgery (maybe a month). This in itself will help me to see those goals again.
Ripx, my original goal was to lose 20 lbs in 1 year and just to be healthier in general. Where I'm at now is way beyond what I'd hoped for. I ended up losing 60 lbs and actually becoming semi-fit. That's why it's hard to go to the next level sometimes (thinking about how far I've come). I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable posting pics of me in a swimsuit, so it's not a real goal for me.
Gee, I wish I could say I've come farther than I ever wanted to, although I don't know if I really thought that getting to where I am now was possible when I first started out. That's not the same thing though. If you're comfortable with where you're at, then just try to maintain. If you're not, keep losing. It really is that simple.
I can see what you are saying Kristen. If you have already surpasses you original goal thats pretty amazing. I think I kind of came off sounding like a a$$ hat with the bathing suite comment. The main point is a healthy body is usually in good shape and looks it. I wasn't trying to imply that you need to post a pic of yourself in your bathing suite or that you ever should. Just that feeling like you look good in it is a good point to be at. Anyway I hope my words didn't come off pervish or anything that wasn't my intention at all.
Ripx, you're funny. That thought didn't even enter my mind before, but now I'm thinking it over. :)
ohhh great ;) the ole open mouth insert foot... or in this case "open mouth insert keyboard". "Don't pay any attention to the man behind the keyboard!!!"
I've totally been there! Usually, it's after holidays. It's like, you eat bad foods for a day, then that's all you freakin' want! For me, the hardest part is choosing good foods no matter what after a bad day. Just don't think about it...just eat a healthy breakfast, then a healthy snack, then a healthy lunch, etc. Once you get through a day of good eating, it seems easier to stay on track.
As far as where you want to be, you already know that what YOU want is the only thing you need to worry about. If you're happy with where you are, then maintain. You look GREAT, so why not? :)
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