First a confession: I've been binging. It's something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember, but I've kept it under control for the better part of the past year and a half. Most of you know I've slipped up here and there, but I always come back stronger. This is fine, but it still sucks to blow it...and it sucks even more to realize that it will most likely always be a struggle for me. I think I finally hit rock bottom Friday morning though. I went to McDonalds to get breakfast sandwiches for my husband and myself. I couldn't decide what I wanted, so I got 2 sandwiches and 2 breakfast burritos. I thought that I'd eat 1 sandwich (bad enough) and 1 burrito (more bad). After I downed the 1st burrito in the parking lot, I almost swallowed the second one whole. Then I ate the breakfast sandwich. I guess it would have been worse had I given in and eaten the other breakfast sandwich. Either way, I hated what I was doing, and I actually confessed the binge to my friend (and later to my husband). This always seems to help. You might think that wasn't soooo bad, but it wasn't the first binge or bad meal this week. I've been doing stuff like that a lot lately. Plus, I haven't been working out like I had been either. I really really really hate when I don't feel like I can control my food intake. It's such a horrible and weak feeling. Then it causes more of the same. I don't know what I'm looking for when I do that. Maybe I'm just trying to get it all in before I decide to right my path? Either way...I'm done.
Later in the day, I ended up talking to my husband about my poor choices, and I know he really wants to help. However, it's something that only I can really control. He did offer to do something wonderful though. We're going to buy more veggies, and he said that he'd cut them up for me/us. That is going to be a huge help.
We also got up and went to the gym today. This is probably the first time in forever that we've worked out together. He doesn't have a membership yet, but I think that will change in the next week or so. We started out with a mile on the treadmill, then we did the elliptical for a while. He didn't really care for the elliptical, but I think it's an acquired taste. Next we did the stepmill, and then we were going to go home. Instead, he wanted to go check out the strength training section. We ended up using the machines and getting a total body workout in. That felt soooo good.
I used the assisted chin up machine today for the first time since the summer. I was curious to see if I'd made any progress. Now, I'm sure some of you will think I'm disgustingly weak, but the first and only time I'd ever used that machine before, I had to put it at 190 pounds. My trainer made me put it at 180, and she helped me by holding my legs. Today I got on there and could fairly easily do it with only 130 pounds. It's very encouraging to know that I've gained that much strength in my upper body (60 lbs worth). I still have a long ways to go, but it's nice to see that kind of progress.
This morning, I got up and cooked breakfast. I love a good breakfast. I was going to go eat one of the cookies that my friend gave us, but I couldn't easily find the container that my husband put somewhere. (Thank you, Vince.) I decided to not look for it. That really does help.
I honestly think I'm back on track now. I feel so much better already - from just a couple of days of better eating...along with a great workout. Next step...more water.
Hope everyone's having a wonderful holiday weekend!
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5 comments:
Kristen, I don't know why we do those things to ourselves. We are addicted to food and the thought of NEVER being able to stuff our faces the way we used to is sometimes overwhelming. I think Vince is my hero today. He was there when you needed support.
You're unbelievably blessed.
Merry Christmas to your wonderful family.
Sharing your struggles is always helpful - we weren't meant to carry it alone. Binging is a disorder, and perhaps its recurrence is a sign that it's not something you have conquered. I think you should ask yourself some questions about what motivates you to binge and see if uncovering the answers helps control it. If I can be of any help, let me know!
Ah, the binge. Not cool. Glad you're letting others know about it, though, since we can now hold you up and say you can get through this.
And you can, you know! Examine what's got you stressed enough to make you think you need it. Then, go plan your meals. That always helps!
Sharing it is a great idea. If you know you are going to have to confess, it makes it harder to do I suppose.
Try to examine the events leading up to it. How were you feeling? What happened?
BTW, not sure what you mean about the assisted pullup machine, it sounds like you were using assistance weights that were higher than your body weight? The way you would measure how much you're lifting would then be your body weight-assistance weight. I'm probably just misunderstanding what you wrote...
I've only just started, but I think that what you're talking about will always be a struggle for me as well. The best thing about going thru it, from where you're at, is that you have a long track record of overcoming it to "fall" back on. That's where I'm striving to get to.
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