Weight
I felt pretty good this morning, so I decided to weigh myself: 122 lbs... and I still weighed 122 after work today. It would be pretty sweet to see 121 by this weekend.
Eating/Binging
It seems like I've been taking 3 steps forward, 1 step back for the past few months. This is actually working well for me. It's good to mix things up sometimes. Ok...I'm not going to suggest that binge eating is good at all, but I've noticed that after I've had a bad week, I seem to be able to get back to business and push myself to the next level. That few pound gain isn't so bad compared to the amount that I end up losing after.
I think I'm trying to say that it's possible that I'm learning how to deal with overeating. In the past, I'd overeat, and then binge for the next couple weeks or months. Now I know that I've worked WAY too hard to go back to where I was. I'm very aware of my limits now. It's as if I have something in my head that says that it's time to stop and get back to business.
Ok, now I'm wondering where that something was before or why was I too weak to listen to it. There was a time when I felt so hopeless about so many things. My obesity was just one of them. It's interesting to me that all of that started changing around the same time. It's possible that I was only able to lose the weight once I started taking control of my life. Of course, maybe the weight loss gave me the confidence to fix the other things. My opinion is that the weight gain was a symptom of the other problems.
Layla really got me thinking about this yesterday. She said something like...if binging is more mental than physical, then maybe restricting calories isn't treating the problem at all. Ok...here's exactly what she said: "Maybe its because i've identified the wrong ailment and i've been applying the wrong method. the condition of being overweight is a product of 'binge behaviour'. If dieting exacerbates 'binge behaviour' than it cannot be the solution to the problem. I don't have an answer just yet but Im keen to seek it out. I believe that's the key to free me from my own prison."
What a thought provoking blog, Layla. I can't get it out of my head.
Realizations
I have come to think that 133 lbs is the high amount that I ever want to be, 123 lbs is the high end of thin for me, and I'm expecting to find out that 113 lbs is my ideal weight. Of course, these numbers could change as I put on more muscle.
Another thought that came to me yesterday was that I've never really mentally claimed the 120's yet. I was in the 130's for so long that it's been hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm actually in the 120's - and the low 120's at that. I keep expecting to pop back into the 130's, but I've been here for a couple of months now, so that's it. I'm 120 something.
Size update
I've only bought 2 pairs of size 6 pants so far, so I've still been wearing my 8's a lot. The 8's I had on today were looking kinda sloppy, so it looks like I'll have to retire them soon. I also have a size 10 pair that I've been wearing occassionally. I put them on a couple of weeks ago and had to take them right off. They looked terrible. I plan on buying more 6's this week.
Comment
Today, a thin coworker told me I was teeny. It's funny...sometimes I look in the mirror and see the same thing, but other times I see a big blob.
New FAT Member
Again...don't forget to go wish Susie luck if you haven't already done so.
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4 comments:
I seem to be in the same boat with the eating as you are right now. I'll be doing really good and then just sorta binge. I think I blogged about that earlier today. If you have found something that works for you and you're happy with awesome job. It's good that you aren't getting burnt out.
I totally understand what you are saying about looking in the mirror and seeing a big blob...I don't think I'll ever totally accept the weight loss completely. I'm sure there will always be a small self esteem probelm linked to it.
Great post Kristen, and enjoy buying new fit people clothes!
I think it's funny you haven't claimed the 120's and could possibly be in the 110's pretty soon. Maybe, you don't have to. Maybe you can mentally skip right over the 120s.
I agree that the weight is often of symptom of other problems. That's true in my case. I'm hoping that getting the weight part under control will give me the energy and drive to get the rest of my life in order.
I've been thinking how much of the health stuff is so rooted in the mental game rather than the simple metric of how long we're in the gym or what we put in our mouths.
I know for me, it's easy to give in to a whole avalanche of poor nutrition once the first rock of Wendy's or whatever gives way.
good post Kristen. I also agree that allot of weight loss is mental. Even when I was much skinnier I always saw myself as fat. I don't think I have ever looked in a mirror and thought I looked thin. So I would imagine I have some mental work to do also. Another huge key for you (someone who is in shape) is that once your in good shape its easier to maintain equilibrium as I would like to call it. Your body is much more tolerant of different foods and needs more cals to maintain. Kind of like nature being in harmony. Anyway, your doing great as always and thanks for the thought provoking post.
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