My Blog

I just wanted to say today that this blog is about my journey from where I was to where I want to be - and everywhere in between. Writing here helps to keep me from going too far off the edge when I'm down, and it also stimulates me to do even more when I'm up. It goes both ways. Either way. It's my blog. I'll write when I'm down and when I'm up and when I'm neither. I guess this is more about my mental journey to becoming healthier in my mind to be able to take action to succeed in my goals.

When I'm down, sometimes all I can hope for is to not lose ground. This blog helps me do that. It might not sound like progress to someone else, but not gaining 5 pounds during a bad week is a success to me. I'll even go so far as to say that stopping a gain at 5 pounds is sometimes still a success to me. Old Kristen might have put on 15.

Failure and success...that's what you'll get here...hopefully more success than failure :)

All Better

I feel so much better today, although the nurse said I still have a small fever (3 days of fever now). The doctor gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way.

I was able to eat a lot more today: bowl of cereal, junior bacon cheeseburger only lettuce, half of a turkey avocado sandwich with other veggies, the other half of my turkey avocado sandwich, chocolate milk.

Yesterday I kinda realized that I probably needed to eat more. I think my friend was about to organize an intervention for me if I didn't. She said she thought there was a problem because I was bragging about eating cream of wheat and spaghetti all in one day ("bragging" meaning that I was showing off that I was eating so much, if that makes sense). I started thinking about it, and I realized that those two things really aren't a lot.

Then someone stopped by yesterday and kinda mentioned that I'm losing too much weight. I know that I'm not too thin, but the recent weight loss combined with the fever made me look kinda scary. Today I put my makeup on and did my hair, and I looked and felt a lot better :)

The truth is that I really don't have an appetite, but I'm also afraid of eating just to eat. I know that I'm not nearly as active as I was before, so I need a lot less calories. I think I just need to start planning. With no appetite, nothing looks good, so I pass. I need to just plan it out and eat it regardless.

I really hate tracking calories, so this is gonna be really difficult :(

Setback

I have been nursing a low-grade fever (99.6 - 100.6) with some serious chills since yesterday. I called my doctor this morning and he's going to see me tomorrow. I just had to go to the lab for some blood work today. I was feeling so weak that I had my husband drive me (I still haven't driven since the surgery).

Anyways, I decided to force myself to eat more today - more carbs too. It's still not a lot when I really think about it. Cream of Wheat with toast and then spaghetti with meat. I think that has helped me to feel a lot better, although the chills are back now...time to eat again. This sucks.

I still weighed 132 this morning.

I am so bored...

Seriously, is it possible to die of boredom? I have pretty much cleaned out my DVR. I went for a walk around the park today and then came home for a nap. Then I started a book today (the one Kirsten gave me in May). How will I manage another 5 weeks of this? I'm sore from laying around.

I was feeling hungry last night, so I toasted half a whole wheat english muffin and put some pb on it. Then I drank a glass of milk. Very satisfying.

I weighed 132 this morning. I still weighed 132 at about noon. Maybe I can get below 130 before I go back to work.

In other exciting news, my waist circumference was 27.5 inches this morning, and my new weight changed my BMI to 24.9. This puts me within "normal" range now...no longer "overweight". We'll see how long this holds.

I obviously have nothing much to say today...hmmm...

I'm Not Complainin'

So my weigh-in this morning was low. Really low. 133. We'll see what it says tomorrow.

Progress

So I had some success(?) in the BM area. tmi? sorry... those who have had babies will probably understand.

My weight was down today, and it was down even more this afternoon. Just so you know, I'm not going out of my way to lose weight, but it just seems inevitable right now. I'm really afraid of eating out of boredom in the coming weeks. I'm glad I have you guys to keep me focused. I've been sitting here watching 101 Sexiest Celebrity Bodies and different workout shows. Funny how all that I want to do is workout when I really can't. I did go for a walk around the block today. I figure I can start doing this a few times a day from here on out.

A friend stopped by and said I was looking thin and frail. ick. Hopefully she was just saying that cause she thought I'd like to hear the word thin? idk...

That's all. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Not much to report today

I still have little appetite, and I think this is affecting my digestive progress if you know what I mean. I decided to take a swig of castor oil this morning to see if that would help, but no luck yet. I just sent my husband to get me a good salad. Can't wait. Salad sounds perfect right now.

After things start moving, I'll weigh myself again :)