Ummm...Wow!

Tonight was the first time working with Keith the Trainer, and I have to say that that's exactly how I always imagined bootcamp would be like. Holy crap! We got more done in 10 minutes than we normally do in 20 with the other trainers I've worked with. I think this is due to very little rest time between sets. He kicked our asses. I loved it! I mean I hated it at times, of course, but wow! Normally I could come home and tell you everything that we did, but there is no way I could remember everything today. In fact, I'm so beat, I'm having a hard time remembering anything we did. I'm so glad I have the weekend to recover, although I plan on going in on Sunday for some cardio with a friend.

One cool thing about the gym is that I feel so comfortable there now. Lifetime facilities are just massive and they seem to be packed no matter what time of day you go. It can be really overwhelming at first. Now I'm always running into people that I know all the time...friends, coworkers, people that I've met at the gym, etc... It's just a cool feeling, I guess. It just helps to make it feel like a normal part of my life. I actually felt a little bad last night, because I ran into someone I knew that I don't see too often and gave her a quick hug before realizing that it was kind of gross (sweaty shirt). Oh well...she didn't seem to care.

I have to say that I feel completely back to normal now. I'm motivated and so ready to be hot. I do need to work more on my cardio stuff, because that's not all the way back to normal yet. I don't expect it to take too long though.

I've had several different people refer to me as teeny this week. Granted they are all bigger, but it still is helping to motivate me into actually being teeny. I feel thinner, therefore I act thinner...if that makes sense :)

fyi...my eating was good today...except for the sliver of apple pie...the tiniest of slivers though. I also haven't weighed myself since last week. From what I know of my body, I'm doing fine, but I'm afraid of seeing a bad number and then going crazy with the food...when I've been so good this week regardless of what the scale says. No sense in messing that up.

Ok. I'm going to try to get in bed early tonight to let this body rest.

Wait...one more thing...I just wanna say that I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting as much lately. It's not that I'm not reading and enjoying your posts...it's just that the right words are eluding me for some reason. This will pass, and I'll be as vocal as ever soon.

Pushing Forward

Today's eating was ok again...although I did have half a donut in the morning. I don't even like donuts. Oh well. It could have been a whole one or two. So, half is better...which is my whole strategy as of late. For lunch, I had an Amy's cheese enchilada thing...good stuff. Ok, so the calorie count was good (240), but there were 14 grams of fat...and I have to say that it was definitely worth the fat grams. The best part was that someone was begging me to go out to lunch with them, and I was going to, but then I came to my senses and realized that I was going to go out only to fulfill an emotional need. We probably would have gone to Hard Rock and gotten something that didn't even taste that great anyways. So...for dinner, I had chicken with mushrooms. Not a bad eating day at all.

Tonight was bootcamp. We focused on upper body. I really need to learn how to do some real pushups already. I should practice that at home on my days off. My heart rate monitor said I burned about 600 calories. I'm not even going to go into what we did tonight...there's just too much weird stuff. Ok, not that weird...just stuff I've never seen before. Ok, I will go into it. The reason I love this bootcamp class is that they do so many different things that I wouldn't consider to be typical workout stuff. Yeah, we do pushups and other normal things, but there always seems to be a twist. One of the things we did tonight was throw a medicine ball backwards over our heads in the gym and then run to pick it up and continue running with it until we reached the other side of the gym. We did 10 of these in each circuit. My heart rate was so high by the time I got to about the 5th one. We also did lunges on the treadmill tonight (I've done this before). Set the treadmill to about 12 - 15% incline and set it to go really slow like 1.0 mph. Then just lunge :)

What a boring blog today. I really don't have much to say, except thanks for all the bday wishes and for all your support.

So...

Let's see... I went to boot camp last night, and I was so happy to hear that we were doing cardio. Here's what we did:

3 sets of 3 minutes fast, 1 minute slow (all on the treadmill)
3 sets of lunges up 2 sets of stairs, run back down

We did all that 3 times and then did 120 crunches (various)

It felt so good to get running again. Ok, it was more like jogging. The trainer wanted to keep our heart rates in Zone 3 for most of the workout (HR around 175 for me). Still felt good.

Then the trainer showed us the wall that had her story on it. She used to be known as the fat trainer. She's not fat at all now...very muscular (in a girl way still). It's always exciting for me to hear about the trainers that have also transformed their bodies. I feel like they can actually relate to us so much better with this insight.

My eating has been very good I'd say, although I did have a brownie this morning at work. Then my friend took me to lunch. I had this wonderful entree called dragon eggs: chicken breast stuffed with gorgonzola...with hot sauce on the outside...sitting on top of a caesar salad. So tasty that it's making my mouth water just typing about it. I'm glad I forgot the box in her vehicle.

I met some of my old friends at a pub tonight, and I was so good. I didn't order anything to eat or drink. Then I got home and ate a couple of baked corn tortillas dipped in hummus. Good stuff.

Thanks for all your supportive comments yesterday. I was really feeling down about myself and lacking motivation. I haven't binged like that in a very long time, and I know how quickly that type of behavior can get out of control. I'm not exaggerating this at all when I say that you guys are what keeps me in check. Yes, I have other friends that I can turn to, but you guys are right there for me every day. I look to you for inspiration, and you never let me down...through your words and your actions.

I know that in the past my binge would have gone on for at least a week and then a month. Now I have it for a day or 3 and then move on. Working out is the other thing that turns it all around. It's funny how you can walk into a gym feeling fat and disgusting, but walk out feeling sleek. That's how I feel anyways :) This makes me more conscious of what I'm putting into my mouth.

Ok. That's all for tonight. Time for TBL.

It's me again - the Fatty Fat Binging Binger

It is what it is. I'm not going to say that today is a new day and all that. I don't know what got into me, but I think I should have just allowed myself to eat something horrid this weekend. Instead, I picked at things all weekend (which added up to who knows what). When it was all said and done, I still ate pizza last night anyways. Sometimes you just need pizza.

The binge didn't make me fat, but I'm stopping before it gets to that point. I'm not going to go on a strict diet. I haven't been normal since the first week or so after my surgery. I have bootcamp tonight, but I need to get back to running too. I need to aim for 5 days a week at the gym.

As far as eating goes, I'm going back to the beginning of it all when I just made small changes and all that. Going back to read my first blog posts. Cutting back on the carbs. Making better choices. Eating 100% will not do it for me. I will go crazy and binge. What worked before should work again.

This is not meant to be a whiny blog. I just suck lately, and I'm trying to find my way back.

Honestly, I think my binge was supposed to get me to the point where I was sick of eating. It's not right, but it works sometimes. Today has been much better already.

The real problem is complacency. I'm not fat. I'm not thin. I'm just good enough to not freak out when I take a step backwards. I allow myself a cushion of what I think is an "acceptable" weight for me...so I seem to be sliding around in that range.

Ok. Back to business.

Silly Girl

Ok. Confession time. I know that there are a lot of haters of The Biggest Loser here, but I must admit that I cried more than once during last night's episode. I'm not sure why last night was different, but I was inspired and moved when the trainers were pushing the contestants harder than ever. Yeah, tears were running down my face when Jillian (sp?) made that girl go 12 mph on the treadmill for 5 seconds. The girl told Jillian that she was crazy, but guess what...she went 12 mph. Now I know that she didn't go a full minute or anything, but this girl did not believe that it was physically possible to go 12 mph period. How many of us have been in that place? How many of us are now doing things now that we never thought possible? I'm thinking that most of us hold back and never realize our full potential, because we simply don't believe. I say let's crank up those treadmills during HIIT to test ourselves. Put it on an ungodly speed...just to see.

The other tearful moment was when they were passing out their goal t-shirts. It was cheesy, but listening to the girl that just wanted to shop in normal stores again reminded me of myself a year ago. Then there was the guy whose shirt said he wanted to be half the man so that he could be twice the man (do the family stuff that he can't really do right now). I know I didn't want to do anything when I was fat. Now I look back on my vacation from this summer and remember all the stuff we did - that I enjoyed and wanted to do. I am a completely different person now than I was last year. Some of us have already reached most of our goals, so it may be time to set some new ones that don't have numbers attached to them. I haven't thought of one for me yet.

I do think that those of us here have more to be proud of since we did it all on our own, but I'm certainly wishing all TBL's people success too. Most of them seem to keep the weight off, so it must not be all that bad.

In other news...

It's official...Austin has strep throat. Ick.

I'm feeling much better. I packed my lunch and ate it today. I came home and ate chicken breast, rice, and soup. I'm not going to make it to boot camp tonight, since Austin is quarantined for another day. I will do a workout here though. I will pack my lunch again for tomorrow.

p.s. there's a small possibility that my emotional moments could be PMS-related? :)

I Feel ICK!

I don't know what's going on. I have been eating better, and I even exercised yesterday. I feel huge today as if it's TTOM. It might be PMS for all I know. I still have my ovaries, so I could still be experciencing those symptoms. On top of that, I feel like I'm getting sick. I hope that I haven't picked up Austin's sickness...he's still feeling awful.

I finished out Day 2 at work. I brought my lunch and got to eat it today. I also ate my apple. Oh, I did get some soup from a cafe. I'm sure it wasn't too bad. It sure tasted good. For dinner, I finished off the hummus I got on Saturday. That shows that I've been watching my portion sizes.

Ok. I need to get some rest, so that's all I am going to say tonight. I've already packed my lunch for tomorrow :)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

This morning started off with a bang as my oldest kid was crying from a terrible headache and sore throat. Me, being the good mom that I am, told him to get out of bed and get his clothes on. I figured I could see just how sick he really was by the time we left. It really was evident by then that he was sick. My husband had a job today, so I decided to take the boy to work with me (how could I miss my first day back). I just wanted to get through all my emails and say hello to everyone. At noon, the boy was sleeping in my spare chair, so I decided to bring him home. He's been pretty much sleeping ever since. Awww...he really is sick :(

I was supposed to have boot camp tonight, but I couldn't really take the sick one to the child center, so here I am still at home. There is good news though. I promise promise promise that I'm going to use my bowflex tonight. I just have to. Getting dressed for work is nothing like wearing sweats every day all day. Let's just say that I wished my clothes were a little looser today, and I got out of them as soon as I walked in the door. Yes, these are my new clothes that I just bought last week. Hey, haven't I been saying that I needed some goal clothes? Well, I've decided to put the first suit back in the closet until I drop a few more lbs. I will try the second one later this week. Either way, tight clothes are a nice reminder of my goals.

My eating was ok today. I didn't go out to lunch with friends. I brought my lunch, although I didn't get to eat it before leaving for the day. I did eat the apple that I packed though. Hmmm...what else? I weighed myself this morning. All that I'll say is that it was 13_ . I fully expect the number to go down after I get a couple of good days under my belt.

Addendum: I did some things on the Bowflex. Then I did 200 crunches and 50 modified pushups while watching Heroes. Better than nothing I suppose.