Some Inspiration

Joining the ranks of frustration

For the past 12 months I've been losing weight somewhat steadily...almost 60 pounds. It really picked up in November when I stopped going to the gym for a while. This month (April), I decided to go back to tone up what is left of me. I know that I said that I was not going to expect to lose any weight for awhile, but I have seriously not lost any weight. I have been going to the gym 4 - 5 times a week over the past month and not one ounce gone. There were days where the weight dipped, but this week it's back up to what it was when I started this month. I was blaming TOM for awhile, but I don't think so anymore. My eating has been controlled enough - minus the binge on Wednesday. Even then, I jumped right back on track after that.

Am I doing something wrong here? Should I be eating differently? Is this to be expected? I think that the elliptical isn't purely cardio, so maybe I'm gaining muscle. Does muscle really weight that much more than fat? I started the personal training this week. Could I have already gained muscle from this? I will obviously wait it out, but does anyone have any tips for me? I almost feel that I should have just waited to get to my goal weight before hitting the gym again.

UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

That being said...I'm liking how my legs are toning up. I can see differences. I would just like to see a smaller waist. 30 inches is better than I had hoped for when starting this journey, but it is certainly no longer acceptable.

I'm taking today and tomorrow off from the gym. Will return Monday.

Nothing Really

Just wanted to say that I ate ok today. just ok. I also went to the gym and used the elliptical for 60 minutes. It was harder tonight...maybe because of the intense personal training sessions already this week. I think that my iPod selections weren't the best for a great workout either. I will be creating a playlist tomorrow. Check out www.jogtunes.com. I hope to make it to the gym at least two more times this weekend/Monday. One good thing is that I was aching to workout today. Glad I did.

One small piece of good news: I've been wearing my wedding band for the past week straight. It's a little snug, and I need lotion to take it off usually...but it's on. Next stop: engagement ring on with the wedding band.

Back on Track

Ok, so I had a bad day. If I've learned anything over the past year, it's that these days will happen. This is a part of life and that's fine. The great part is that you get to go to bed and wake up to a whole new day.

I did learn something about my binge yesterday. It was that I did not enjoy it one bit. I will admit that in the past I've enjoyed this behavior to some extent. I'm still not quite sure why it happened, although I think it had to do with my intense workout the day before. Either my body was craving more calories or my mind was trying to justify a cheat day.

Today was much better. I did wake up and eat the last of the Fiber One bars, but then I had my usual lean cuisine for lunch. When I got home, I was dying for a salad...another great turn of events. I have never in my life craved salads, but I think I need them now. I know I've mentioned this several times now, and I barely believe it myself. I felt whole after my salad. I have also drank almost a gallon of water today...gotta help all that fiber along :)

I went to my training session at the gym tonight. I was very worried, because I have been incredibly sore yesterday and today. April, the trainer, told me that I'd feel better within 5 minutes, and she was absolutely right. She also told me that I'd feel even worse tomorrow, but I think it's a good worse. I noticed some huge changes in muscle definition on my thighs today. I think it looks a bit bulky, but that should change as some of the fat melts away. I think I did better today than I did on Tuesday. The abs exercises were easier tonight, despite the soreness. I can only imagine how good next Tuesday's workout will be. I plan on using the elliptical twice over the weekend too.

Another cool thing...I was talking to one of the girls in my training group tonight. I told her about the FAT Coalition and sent her a link to my blog. I really wish I'd had you guys last year when I was just starting out. Anyways, I hope that she finds it encouraging and joins us maybe. If nothing else, maybe we can workout together on our off days.

That's it for tonight. Love ya guys...

Blech. I feel like purging.

I woke up this morning and knew right away that I was going to need more calories. I did not however know what I was about to do to myself this stupid day. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. fine. then a breakfast bar when i was leaving for work. ok. no big deal. Then I went to lunch with a group from work and decided to just go with something unhealthy. It's weird. My body wanted salad, but I forced it to go with the chicken tenders and fries? Why would I do that to myself? The chicken tenders were bland and the fries were burnt (not in a good way - more like the fryers hadn't been changed in about a month). Even though everything tasted awful, I still forced myself to finish everything - even though I rarely finish everything anymore.

After work, I ate two Fiber One bars (they really are awesome if you've never tried them 140 calories 4 g fat). I also ate some Doritos.

Now I'm mad at myself. What happened to the lean cuisine for lunch and the salad for dinner.

I'm done binging now. I might still have the salad - skipping the extra calories that I like to put on there usually. I also bought a 64 oz water bottle/jug, and I plan on finishing that tonight. No, I will not weigh myself tomorrow morning. It will have to wait until probably Saturday now. Grrrrr...

Oh, I'm watching the PBS Fat documentary now. I agree with whoever here said that at least the first half is annoying. Seems like some of these people don't want to take responsibility for how they got fat. I'll save my final judgements for after I watch the whole thing.

New long term goal

I woke up this morning and realized that my long term goal is one month away, so I guess that it's now become my short term goal. 140 by demf (memorial day weekend). This is completely doable, but it cannot be my final resting place. I was thinking that my new long term goal should be my birthday. October 9th. With the finish line in sight, I think that I can make it by then. 5 months to lose 20 pounds. I think that should put me into a size 6. This could very well be my final goal. Of course, who knows if that will be enough by then. I'm only 5'1" (rounding up a bit), so that will not be too skinny. In fact, 95 is still within my normal weight range, but I don't think I would look very good at this weight. Ewww...

So, my birthday it is. I'll have to see where I'm at when demf hits to develop realistic short term goals in between now and my bday. Plus, I'll know more about how my body reacts to all the working out. It may stall as I gain muscle or it may accelerate once my metabolism skyrockets due to all the new muscle mass. Hard to say right now.

October 9th
Goal Weight: 120 lbs

Ouch!

So today was my first personal training session. I rather enjoyed it, but I am already sore. I don't know if I'm going to even be able to to walk tomorrow. Every exercise was simple yet complete. I haven't felt this worked out in a long time.

I go back on Thursday for more punishment, and then I will add two days of cardio - probably Saturday and then Sunday or Monday. I really don't think I'll be able to go tomorrow night. Plus, I've been to the gym for the past three days. My body will appreciate the break tomorrow.

Today I ate a SB breakfast bar and got a salad w/chicken (and ranch) at Hard Rock for lunch. For dinner, I ate a serving or so of cottage cheese & a lean cuisine.

I weighed myself last night and was at about a low 141. Today after work, I was at 140 right on the dot. I think that I'm seeing a drop this week - probably from eating a little more lately - not to mention the exercise :)

Also, I drank a ton of water yesterday, which I did not do today :(

Oh, on another note... When I was in the Team Weight Loss class last year....we had to walk back to the nutrition room once a week. I used to hate this more than anything. First, we had to walk through the weight area (where all the hot guys are). Also, all the walls are mirrors of course, and I used to think of this as the wall of shame. I absolutely hated this (and also referred to it as the green mile). I always felt like so ashamed of what I'd become and prayed that nobody would look up from their workouts.

The personal training is all done over in this same area, and I was pleasantly surprised to see my reflection in the mirrors tonight. I am not blown away by my body or anything, but I am certainly no longer afraid to be seen. I actually thought I was ok. Acceptable even...which is FINE by me...for now.

I am not expecting to lose a lot of weight through the personal training, but it'll be nice if I can at least get solidly below 140. I was running a little bit late tonight, so I didn't have time to get measurements before my workout. I'll get them Thursday. It will be very exciting to compare them to what they were last July (when I rejoined Lifetime).

One last note...one of my coworkers/friends just got back from her maternity leave today, and she hadn't seen me since she left. She was shocked at how much I had lost in the past 12 weeks...she even said I was "like, ridiculously skinny". HA! Ok, I know I'm not ridiculously skinny, but I know that I'm about 15 - 20 lbs lighter than the last time she saw me and I was wearing my second favorite suit (which I think is my skinny one). I bought it after I had Audrey and it didn't fit then, but I really thought that I'd lose the baby weight in no time. That never happened - until now. I was able to finally start wearing it a couple of months ago, and I am seeing that it is really looking great after a few weeks on the elliptical.

We also had our quarterly offsite all-hands meeting today - all of the Michigan commercial banking groups attend. I know most of the people and got a lot of remarks on how I was looking. Very cool.

Ok, I'm done. blah blah blah...i'm so hot.... :) It was just one of those days I guess...