In the spirit of demf

Some of you may want to just tune out now if you've heard this all before.

Rebecca asked what demf is. To some, this might have a simple answer, but to me, demf is very symbolic of so many things, so I decided to devote an entire post to it.

First, the simple answer: Detroit's Electronic Music Festival. Details for demf 2007 can be found here.

Now the long answer (because I want to):

Where to start...Ok, I'll give the cliff notes version...

I grew up in a strict Baptist environment, but I ended up living on my own at the age of 18. I never thought that would happen, but it did. It wasn't long before I found my scene: techno, raves, etc... My future husband and I went to raves at least every weekend. After we got married and had our first kid, we somehow ended up back in church (the same one I had escaped from at 18). Crazy, considering he'd never been to church in his life. Well, he embraced it all - every last drop of it. I didn't realize what really had happened until it was too late. I was in a completely controlled marriage (under the guise of Biblical submission...ick). We went through some things a few years ago that got us out of that church, but the marriage was pretty much still the same. In late 2005, I got brave enough to voice that I was confused about my beliefs, and to my surprise and relief, he listened and actually confessed that he didn't think certain things were wrong. blah blah blah. After that, we began venturing out a little bit - mostly to clubs. It was so weird to be back in that scene again after ummm... almost 10 years.

Well, we kind of dabbled in all of it for about six months, and then in May 2006, my husband asked if I wanted to go to demf. I really had no clue what it was, and I really wasn't too interested...mostly because of my weight....for 2 reasons. I wasn't into doing things. Ick. walking around? I'd rather be watching tv. The second reason was because I felt out of place due to my weight. Well, I decided to go anyways, and I was actually kind of excited because...hold on...I wore pants out in public for the first time since we had gotten back into the whole church thing. Well, I wore them proudly all weekend. This was a turning point for me. I didn't ask my husband if I could. I just did it. So that is the first reason why demf is important to me. I became stronger that weekend and really began my journey to who I am today. Also, we hung out with all of our old friends that weekend and got to know each other again. My husband and I got to see the young fun side of each other again too. My marriage has gone through an extreme makeover since then. Sure, we have our normal struggles, but it is nothing like what it used to be. It's pretty hard for me to write all this, because it sounds so awful. I really am not stupid in general. It's probably impossible to understand unless you have been there. Btw...our marriage is nothing like that anymore.

Ok, next....

That weekend, I was sitting there looking at all the thin girls in their thin girl clothes. I was so jealous and inspired at the same time. I had been eating better for about a month at that point, and I set my first real goal that weekend. I wanted to lose 20 lbs by the next demf. This was probably the first time in my life that I had ever set such a reasonable goal. To have tripled that original goal is such a great feeling.

I really never thought that I'd stick with it to lose a lot of weight, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, that I could lose a small amount of weight over a long period of time. This has been my goal all year long. It's been fairly easy for me to stay on track, since I go out to clubs almost weekly - or at least bi-weekly, and I want to look nice. It's been so great to be able to go from a size 16 (should be 18 maybe) to a 10. I am not fully satisfied with a 10, but it's acceptable for now.

So, that's demf in a nutshell... or not... oh wait...it's not just about all that. It's also about MUSIC. How could I forget? oh, and friends...and afterparties... I could go on and on. I just love it - every bit of it.